THE PREACHER AND THE OIL SPILL

A preacher witnessed oil spilling

And organized to fight it back

By calling crowds of people willing

To drive off anything that’s black,

Especially offshore immigration

Into his God’s most favored nation                              

Of men and women, Christian whites,

Who’d had enough of colored blights.

He marched them to the shore of Ocean,

A million strong, then turned and prayed

His God would help with their blockade.

From out at sea, a swirling motion

In snaky coils of black climbed air

Swept down and laid the beaches bare.

A MESSAGE FROM THE KOCH BROTHERS TO THE WORKERS OF THE WORLD

“We argue that it’s impermissible

That government should do fuck-all

To help the unemployed.  Dismissible!

They’ll get the message when we call.

When they hear that they’ll work for wages

That no one’s seen since “darker” ages,

They’ll bow and scrape show they’re content

Though they can’t cover food and rent.

Republicans have given pledges

(And this goes for the Democrats-

Republicans who wear hard hats):

This time it won’t be us on ledges.

Not like it was when Franklin D

Denied that markets should be free.”

AMERICA’S MAMMY

What will we do without Ms. Oprah?

Her ample lap has been our rest

Where we exposed all of our hope raw

Because she was our Mother EST.

Better put… America’s mammy

Could always cure a double whammy

Because she knew just what to do

To succor the red, white, and blue.

Why didn’t she promote Obama

And claim he brought a ray of hope

Would lift us off our downhill slope?

That he would cure the national trauma.

Would help us dodge what Bush conspired…

Perhaps it is time she retired.                                       

THE WANDERING JEW

“I sought to be a true Believer

Who put his faith in Camping’s God;

And so became an eager beaver

And spread his principles abroad.

But Camping got his eschatology

Confused.  The Bible’s numerology

Is so confounding at its best

To try might mean that you’re possessed.

This means the devil haunted Camping

And, falling victim to false pride,

Should have been classed as misallied.

And so I guess I’ll be decamping

To wander on, as is my plight,            

Until these Christians get it right.”   

RAPE AND THE I.M.F.

I’m not sure why so much confusion

Should have resulted from a rape

By banker Kahn.  A mere intrusion.

So why get so bent out of shape?

The press announced him as a banker

So right away he was a wanker.

It’s not because the I.M.F.

Has always been profoundly deaf

To charges that they’ve been assaulting

Whole countries.  So what’s one housemaid?

Now if she’d been investment grade,

He’d have thought twice before defaulting.

The I.M.F. is moving on:

No shortfalls for a Genghis Khan.

THE CREATION OF THE CENTERFOLD

The Universe, in all its splendor,

Was busy making human beings

When it heard something mention gender.

Now running on amphetamines,

It looked around, displayed confusion

And asked the voice for its collusion.

The voice replied, “Now you’ve made males

So next you need to bob their tails.”

“What tails,” it asked?  “It’s called a penis.”

“But that’s in front.  A tail’s in back.”

“Just cut it off and leave a crack!

Or there’ll be no one to convene us.”

The Universe did as ’twas told

And so it made the centerfold.

A BRIEF PROFESSION OF CHRISTIAN POLITICS

Political decision makers

Should use the Bible to decide

If humanists and God-forsakers

Should be condemned as certified.

They should be held for trial and stoning 

For arguing the Virgin’s boning;

Denying Christ the Risen Son

As Jew would or Mohammedan.

The Bible is the one Authority

That we can count on to command

America, the Holy Land.

We are God's moral majority

So Christians say who’s friend or foe 

Because “the Bible tells us so.”   

OBAMA’S (SECRET) MIDDLE EAST SPEECH TO ARAB LEADERS

“Now that we’ve finally killed bin Laden

I’d like to step back and assess

How we’ll proceed with our crusadin’.

It’s time you sheiks cleaned up your mess.

It’s time you crushed these beggared hellions

Who have beset you with rebellions.

But as you beat them with a stick

You have to use the carrot trick:

Invite the masses to a rally

Explain to them that there’s no gain

Unless they share their country’s pain.

That there’s no time to shilly-shally.

It’s how we make home folks fall guys

And make them think they gained the prize.”

ENOUGH ALREADY ABOUT OSAMA! (FOR HUFFINGTON POST)

“Who gives a shit about bin Laden?

Will killing him increase my pay?

Or make my job that much less laden

With crap?  Now everything’s OK

Because we killed Islam’s Osama?

The banks that made my life a trauma

Will stop foreclosing on my house?

I’ll reunite with kids and spouse?

So kiss my ass, you politicians

I’d like to see some justice done

To me and have a little fun.

How bout you undergo renditions

Till you admit it’s all a scam

To take the heat off Uncle Sam.”

NEOLIBERALIZATION

When neoliberalizations

Contend that markets make us free

As individuals and nations,

It undermines our dignity.

It argues in the name of freedom:

The rich exist so we may feed’em.

And when, if ever, they are done

It’s way too late for 911.

Because by then all public service

Is divvied up and privatized

Though very often it’s disguised  

To mask what makes elites so nervous:

That when we have no more to lose

We’ll offer what they can’t refuse.

A CONFESSION BY NOAM CHOMSKY ON THE OCCASION OF THE ASSASSINATON OF OSAMA BIN LADEN *

“I told the left: Vote for Obama.

But what was I supposed to do?                                     

He was the black man in the drama.

McCain?  Mr. Redwhiteandblue.

My friends said, ‘Noam, You must be kidding.

Obama’s just like him. Committing,

Or will be soon, atrocities

On colored peoples overseas.’

I should have known that law and order,

Which I have always highly prized,

Is usually exorcised

When we take flight across our border.

No more.  I’ll never give advice

Since voting’s done with loaded dice.”

* Material for this “confession” may be found at http://kasamaproject.org/

THE ADVENTURES OF MIRANDA MARVEL

For any who may be interested, I am writing a satirical novel in verse.  To see the first three cantos, please go to  http://mirandamarvel.blogspot.com/

FOR TROY DAVIS AND AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL

“Troy Davis merits execution

Because the color of his skin

Was outlawed by our Constitution

So hellfire’s due him and his kin.

Since God created us Caucasian,

The others surely need dissuasion

From killing whites, especially cops.

They should be tortured with ‘doo-wops.’

The following is not unreasonable:

I’d like to see them rap a beat

On him while he twists by his feet.

Why killing cops is almost treasonable!

So stand up for your human rights

And stop ignoring Christian blights.”

WHO SAYS “PRAVDA” IS DEAD? *

“Of course we do assassinations.

Who’d want Osama standing trial?

We covered up the assignations

Of JFK with wondrous guile

And no one was one wit the wiser.

That’s why I’m called a ‘press advisor’:

I help to steer the mainstream press

With information that’s b. s.

What seems to be their self-direction,

In digging down and getting facts,

Is solely due to their contacts.

And once acquired it’s like infection:

The press plays host to our disease

Then spreads it as a dog its fleas.”

* Information for this verse was taken from http://counterpunch.org/

THE LARRY SUMMERS' MEMO TO COLLEAGUES AT THE WORLD BANK *

Dear Colleagues,

                            It’s more cost effective

That we should dump our toxic waste

In third world countries.  Our perspective

Is that we act with all due haste.

These countries promise some solution

For health impairments from pollution

Where people work to ripe old age.

In order that we stifle rage,

We need to see our friends elected

In countries where the death rate’s highs

Will average those of tsetse flies.

In Africa, the dark-complected

Have atmosphere and land to spare

Because they hardly breathe the air.

* For a verification of this see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Summers_memo

WMDs: WEAPONS OF MASS DECPTION (FOR COUNTERPUNCH) *

The second time since its inception

We find ourselves the addressees

Of the Weapons of Mass Deception,

AKA WMDs.

This time it’s President Obama

Who lied about watching Osama

As Navy Seals shot him to death

Then took it back with his next breath.

Not calling it “assassination”

Was fully backed up by our press

Who jubilantly effervesce

As a born-again congregation

Because they’ve sipped Obama’s punch.

I get my news from COUNTERPUNCH.

* COUNTERPUNCH can be found at http://counterpunch.org/

A BID TO PURCHASE THE UNIVERSE

A meeting of financial services

Discussing God at Wall Street banks:

A banker said, “The saints preserve us, His

Hot ire will have us walking planks.

Before He does this, my proposal

Is that we place at His disposal

A buyout offer. Don’t applaud.

We have more money than the God.”

This motion raised their wild excitement

Because it was a stratagem

Insuring they’d remain the crème.

And, too, this was their real incitement,

How much they’d charge a business to

Escape their Hell when it came due.

SECRET CIA DOCUMENT DECLASSIFIED *

Our President, Barack Obama,

Has authorized the CIA

To tell us how they killed Osama

(And made a trial a DOA).

The high point of this public narrative

Is what’s left out of their declarative:

That they used torture to help them

Bring on bin Laden’s requiem.

This really needs some underlining

For citizens who wave the flag

While claiming torture makes them gag.

For cheering this is like designing

A future where we torture those

Whom he would classify as foes.

*  “ According to senior administration officials, suspected terrorists in custody since 9/11 -- including the attack’s mastermind, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed -- identified a courier who had a close relationship with bin Laden.” 

TRUMP’S STATEMENT TO THE PRESS ON THE (SUPPOSED) KILLING OF OSAMA BIN LADEN

“Who says Obama got Osama?

His body’s buried out at sea.

They didn’t make a docudrama.

We have Obama’s word.  To me

It’s perfect.  No certification

And yet he claims before the nation

We had Osama in our sights

And killed him.  Got him dead to rights.

But one thing still remains essential                                    

Something that proves we really got

The man who was terror’s big shot.

I do not mean a death credential

Which always can be made a fake

But showing his head on a stake.”