PURITANICALISM

A libertine's a nonconformist
Who knows s/he's happy having fun;
But that's what makes the Christians warmist
And why they want to overrun
All those whom they think are notorious
For living lives that aren't laborious-
Who gamble, drink, do drugs, love sex;
And, yes, who sometimes write bad checks.
If they could make a Christian golem,
They'd send him out to be a scorn
To men and women who make porn.
Like that...they'd snap your spinal column
For wanting really to be bad;
But not kill Muslims in Baghdad.

These Christians are the self-appointed,
Self-righteous guardians of men
And women; who think God anointed
Them to convert the lion's den
That has rejected Christianity
In favor of mankind's humanity;
Who think that common earthly blights
We might amend by human rights.
This thinking, though, leaves them scared shitless.
And rightly so. It would seem odd,
As children of whom they call God,
If He'd created us so witless,
We couldn't make a common cause
With "Others," as we do in-laws.

They're so absurdly puritanic:
When Janet Jackson flashed some breast
These Christians flew into a panic
(Some even died in the midwest),
Believing that "Jew" television
Was under Satan's supervision-
As was, they knew, the DMV
And, probably, the FCC.
They poured from homes and sought their preachers
Who knelt them in the streets to pray
In hopes this devil's devotee
Would suffer cancer to her "features."
Meanwhile, their forces in Iraq
Go killing Muslims block by block.