FOR EDWARD SNOWDEN (MAN OF THE YEAR, 2013)

Who knew that NATIONAL SECURITY

Was Prez Obama’s  holy grail

Till Edward Snowden made a surety,

That all the lies would surely fail?

For this he was judged disciplinable,

A whistleblower who was skinnable,

And all because he rushed headlong

And leaked the news of what was wrong.

It gave elites a coronary

(As well a boost to Bill Maher’s show,

The comic king of right to know.)

And for all of his extraordinary

Courage in stirring up debate

He’s shipped to Putin by air freight.

DO I BELIEVE IN ANCIENT ALIENS ?

Do I believe in ancient aliens,

As they’re portrayed on History Two?

As much as I believe Pygmalion’s

Stone headed wife could think it through.

If some could show true causation

Beween ETs’ civilization

 And ours, why use cable TV

To act as hucksters for ET?

Is it because this bunch of losers

Believe all the world's mal de mer

Is no more than a country fair

Performed for redneck southern boozers?

Or is it money that they love

Or just BS from up above?

THE QUEST

In every age we start on journeys

To find out whom we think we are;

And longing for a life of tourneys,

We falter after just so far.

But after all these youthful questings

In search of right, we come to restings

And when we’re full of war and peace

And have not found our Golden Fleece,

Or what has been our longed for idol,

We vow that we will no more roam

And settle in a model home.

And so are punished with a bridle:

We settle for a life of doubt

And give up what we used to shout.

THE PRESIDENT, CONGRESS, AND PROSTITUTION

“Unlike for civilian U.S. government employees, soliciting prostitutes is a criminal offense for U.S. military personnel even in countries where prostitution is otherwise legal.” Huffington Post 4/26/2012

It’s good to know that prostitution,

No matter legalized or not,

Will denigrate the Constitution

Whereas a war won’t leave a blot

Upon the US military

So long as authorized by Barry

To give the grunts this role to play.

And Congress has nothing to say.              

Although it’s not a degradation

To kill a man in any war,

It’s treasonous to buy a whore.

What makes for so much aggravation

Is that when soldiers point and shoot

Is that there dicks don’t follow suit.

TEXAS CREATIONIST INTERVIEW

“I don’t think God used evolution

When He first made the universe;

I have this on the attribution

From Sunday school and Bible verse.

That’s how I know what God was thinking.”

“It’s possible you’re just lipsyncing

What when a kid they said was true

And laced it with some barbeque?”

“When I absorbed creationism,

It’s true I was a little lad

But had the brains I’ve always had.

It’s why I know gradationism

For complex life forms such as man

Cannot be made without a plan.” 

FROM OCCUPY TO BARRY O

If economics is enshrouding

Obama’s shot for Prez again,

He should have listened to our shouting

And not decided to take ten;

And given up on our egality,

As if it were a triviality,

We, after all, were his best base

To win the presidential race.

But what he did was almost comical:

By bailing out the Wall Street banks

He saved their asses, lost their thanks.

Now Romney’s set to go atomical.

And bury Barry in a shroud

Might be a one-term mushroom cloud.

FOR LENIN

Who claims that Lenin’s conjugation

On revolution’s plainly wrong

Should study him with contemplation

And get their head out of their bong.

There hasn’t been a steely teacher

Of revolution since this preacher:

A man who changed the whole damned world

And opened up the red flag furled.

A product of his time and placing

Some things went wrong and some went right

And capital is still our plight.

Who’d advocate we go erasing

His heritage will surely lose

The time he spent. He paid our dues.

A WARNING TO PRESIDENT OBAMA

Obama needs another coating

Of politics to show good will

To his supporters, fast corroding,

Of evidence he’s not a shill.

He should address the nation’s teachers

If he wants them out of the bleachers

Where Duncan’s placed them on the side

By taking all their teachers’ pride.

Reducing teaching to the testing

Of students to multiple choice;

Not giving teachers any voice,

The experts in the teaching craft,

Who don’t deserve a Duncan’s shaft.

PORN OR WAR?

Repubs and Dems think porno’s evil

But hesitate at stopping wars.

It seems we need a full upheaval:

Let’s ditch the soldiers, up with whores.

Whoever says that prostitution

Defies the US Constitution

Has smoked too much of locoweed

So misinterpret what they read.

The President’s authorization

Is not enough to start a fight.

The Founders gave the Congress might

Without the least equivocation

To authorize a fighting force

To deal with battles’ intercourse.

OBAMA’S DILEMMA

Gay rights with marriage expectations

Have now beset the DNC

And added to exacerbations

Obama has as nominee.

Marriage, a civil institution,

Is treated worse than prostitution:

It either is a civil right

Or else it is a civil blight.

Dilemmas of this kind are moral

Republicans and Democrats

Will pound it out with baseball bats.

Obama doesn’t want a quarrel

Because he knows he’s in a bind

From donors with an open mind.

SHADES OF W

Obama said he was in favor

Of sanctions to be used against

Iran and thought no man could savor,

No matter how they were incensed,

That neighbors had atomic reapers

Well-hidden from UN peacekeepers.

(Remember WMDs

Bush pushed on our prime time TVs?).

And just because Obama said it

Certainly doesn’t make it true.

(You want to lie, do it beaucoup.)

It’s Zionists who’d like to shred it

And make us think it’s holy war

When what we do is play their whore.

DON’T BOTHER

All our diseased hallucinations,

Republicans and Democrats,

That either brings in alternations

Are paid for by aristocrats.

For s/he who buys a politician

Pays only for this one ambition:

That neither side will ever range

Beyond the bounds they’ve set for change.

Hence President Barack Obama

Is servant to the very rich

And helps them scratch their every itch.

And so this economic trauma

Has left the rich far from decline

Because it’s money made his spine.

WHY SHE BECAME A PORN STAR

Are porn stars girls who started dreaming

Of really being movie stars;

And couldn’t stand the awful scheming

And blowjobs in producers’ cars?

And so decided that production,

If it required so much in suction,

That they might just as well get paid

For sucking cock and being laid?

A girl who is a four alarmer,

Could light a fire in any man,

And then’s air-freighted off to Cannes

But  only serves as man's snake charmer,

So thought she’s better paid in bucks

For swallowing the cum she sucks?

GOD AND THE PORN STARS

1

One day the god heard some despondence,

As he walked out to take the air.

It came, of course, as correspondence

Delivered in the form of prayer.

The prayer was filled with testimony

About the god’s once greatest crony,

Old Satan, who had been reborn

The undisputed king of porn.

The prayer came from a congregation

Of porn stars on the Internet

Who’d done a series, Teacher’s Pet.

It seemed what caused their consternation

Was when too old for teenage roles

They couldn’t play the teacher’s holes.

2

“My god,” he thought, “the trials of labor.

But what am I supposed to do?

Why can’t he play the friendly neighbor

And graduate the comely crew?”

Believing this unfair of Satan,

He thought to sentence him to Dayton:

A woman might start out a sylph

But time transformed her to a milf.

“I can’t control the march of aging.

No woman stays forever young

And as they age they come unstrung.”

Besides he found the milfs engaging,

Especially with their phony tits

And suction pumps to plump their clits.

3

So walking back the god decided

That it was right he take their side.

He thought the Satan quite misguided,

Especially since Nabokov died.

The Satan thought la dolce vita

Is better spent with some Lolita,

Imagining they’d have no frays.

The fool was wandering in a haze.

Too, he admired their supplication:

They mostly prayed that it would pass

When taking boners up the ass,

Apparently an aggravation.

And so he called his only son

To see what maybe could be done.

4

And so he called for his son, Jesus,

Explaining what he wanted done.

“My son, it would so greatly please us

If you will go, my hired gun,

And stop the Satan’s undermining

Of women’s labor rights by signing

A contract saying that nymphets

Can play the milfs in Teacher’s Pets.”

“You want to start a labor union,”

Said Jesus.  “Oh no!  God forbid!

That would inflame the workers’ id.

No bring them both into communion.

That way no one’s left in the lurch

And might get some to go to church.”

(TO BE CONTINUED)

HOW TO ANSWER THE INQUISITION

The principle of Inquisitions

Is knowing that you’re always right;

And never granting good conditions

To those with whom you’ve pledged to fight.

Be sure whenever asking questions

You indicate preferred suggestions

As in do you think god is dead?

Suggest the answer’s better said

Without the slightest hesitations;

Put firm conviction in your “No.”

Don’t hem and haw, or to and fro.

This minimizes amputations

And helps preserve your fingers, toes

But won’t if you’d said “Heaven knows.”

THE PORN REPAIRMAN SCENARIO

Of all of porno’s situations

There’s nothing like “Repairman Guy”

Who’s come to fix your aggravations

With what you have that’s gone awry.

He’s followed by a telephoto

Cameraman shooting video.

So what does he use to excuse

The fact his dick brings you good news?

Especially if you’re a student

Whose new computer’s on the blink

How does he open up your pink?

He doesn’t want to seem impudent

And so he asks what needs his care

You say your pussy needs re(pair).

WHERE DOES WAR COME FROM?

Does war derive from human nature

Or is it just an artifact

Of culture with its nomenclature

Of what it means to be attacked?

And how apply our cogitation

In thinking through civilization,

That is if you’re alive to think,

And not forever on the blink?

Does war emerge from human culture

When modern man decides to go

To war, while singing heidi-ho?

Did it derive from agriculture?

Before then what we had to eat

Was gathered fast and swallowed neat.

EQUAL OPPORTUNITY

Americans want equal freedom

When freedom isn’t really free.

When some live so that others eat ’em,

It sounds more like a killing spree.

It is as if all our communities,

Demanding equal opportunities,

Are calling out to scratch an itch:

An equal chance to strike it rich.

But in a land where exploitation

Decides who’s rich and who is poor

We’ll never really find a cure,

Until we shoot for its negation.

Till then who’s rich will make the rules;

The rest will, equally, be mules.

THE CHIEF OF STAFF

He was a man of courtly bearing

But wasted it in cringing smiles;

He thought himself to be unerring

But then, of course, he had the files.

And so it was with curt formality,

That so expressed his vile mentality,

That he demanded we should say

That everything was A-OK.

Our delicate discriminations

Produced a desolating dread

But we did as our master said.

This garnered us congratulations.

But for his diplomatic skill             

(And files, of course), we’d be made ill.

THE AMERICAN MIND

Americans are simple people,

Exampled in our culture wars,

And worship at bell, Book, and steeple

When not out buying stuff in stores.

We’d surely ban the  prosecution

Of men and women’s prostitution,

If they displayed their wares on floors

In any of the Wal-Mart stores.

It doesn’t really seem to matter,

And hasn’t since we were backwoods,

So long as we can “get them goods.”

In fact, we’d go mad as a hatter

If we should miss out on the sales

That constitute our holy grails.