WHY SHE BECAME A PORN STAR

Are porn stars girls who started dreaming

Of really being movie stars;

And couldn’t stand the awful scheming

And blowjobs in producers’ cars?

And so decided that production,

If it required so much in suction,

That they might just as well get paid

For sucking cock and being laid?

A girl who is a four alarmer,

Could light a fire in any man,

And then’s air-freighted off to Cannes

But  only serves as man's snake charmer,

So thought she’s better paid in bucks

For swallowing the cum she sucks?

GOD AND THE PORN STARS

1

One day the god heard some despondence,

As he walked out to take the air.

It came, of course, as correspondence

Delivered in the form of prayer.

The prayer was filled with testimony

About the god’s once greatest crony,

Old Satan, who had been reborn

The undisputed king of porn.

The prayer came from a congregation

Of porn stars on the Internet

Who’d done a series, Teacher’s Pet.

It seemed what caused their consternation

Was when too old for teenage roles

They couldn’t play the teacher’s holes.

2

“My god,” he thought, “the trials of labor.

But what am I supposed to do?

Why can’t he play the friendly neighbor

And graduate the comely crew?”

Believing this unfair of Satan,

He thought to sentence him to Dayton:

A woman might start out a sylph

But time transformed her to a milf.

“I can’t control the march of aging.

No woman stays forever young

And as they age they come unstrung.”

Besides he found the milfs engaging,

Especially with their phony tits

And suction pumps to plump their clits.

3

So walking back the god decided

That it was right he take their side.

He thought the Satan quite misguided,

Especially since Nabokov died.

The Satan thought la dolce vita

Is better spent with some Lolita,

Imagining they’d have no frays.

The fool was wandering in a haze.

Too, he admired their supplication:

They mostly prayed that it would pass

When taking boners up the ass,

Apparently an aggravation.

And so he called his only son

To see what maybe could be done.

4

And so he called for his son, Jesus,

Explaining what he wanted done.

“My son, it would so greatly please us

If you will go, my hired gun,

And stop the Satan’s undermining

Of women’s labor rights by signing

A contract saying that nymphets

Can play the milfs in Teacher’s Pets.”

“You want to start a labor union,”

Said Jesus.  “Oh no!  God forbid!

That would inflame the workers’ id.

No bring them both into communion.

That way no one’s left in the lurch

And might get some to go to church.”

(TO BE CONTINUED)

HOW TO ANSWER THE INQUISITION

The principle of Inquisitions

Is knowing that you’re always right;

And never granting good conditions

To those with whom you’ve pledged to fight.

Be sure whenever asking questions

You indicate preferred suggestions

As in do you think god is dead?

Suggest the answer’s better said

Without the slightest hesitations;

Put firm conviction in your “No.”

Don’t hem and haw, or to and fro.

This minimizes amputations

And helps preserve your fingers, toes

But won’t if you’d said “Heaven knows.”

THE PORN REPAIRMAN SCENARIO

Of all of porno’s situations

There’s nothing like “Repairman Guy”

Who’s come to fix your aggravations

With what you have that’s gone awry.

He’s followed by a telephoto

Cameraman shooting video.

So what does he use to excuse

The fact his dick brings you good news?

Especially if you’re a student

Whose new computer’s on the blink

How does he open up your pink?

He doesn’t want to seem impudent

And so he asks what needs his care

You say your pussy needs re(pair).

WHERE DOES WAR COME FROM?

Does war derive from human nature

Or is it just an artifact

Of culture with its nomenclature

Of what it means to be attacked?

And how apply our cogitation

In thinking through civilization,

That is if you’re alive to think,

And not forever on the blink?

Does war emerge from human culture

When modern man decides to go

To war, while singing heidi-ho?

Did it derive from agriculture?

Before then what we had to eat

Was gathered fast and swallowed neat.