Friday, February 24, 2012


Are porn stars girls who started dreaming
Of really being movie stars;
And couldn’t stand the awful scheming
And blowjobs in producers’ cars?
And so decided that production,
If it required so much in suction,
That they might just as well get paid
For sucking cock and being laid?
A girl who is a four alarmer,
Could light a fire in any man,
And then’s air-freighted off to Cannes
But  only serves as man's snake charmer,
So thought she’s better paid in bucks
For swallowing the cum she sucks?

Wednesday, February 22, 2012


One day the god heard some despondence,
As he walked out to take the air.
It came, of course, as correspondence
Delivered in the form of prayer.
The prayer was filled with testimony
About the god’s once greatest crony,
Old Satan, who had been reborn
The undisputed king of porn.
The prayer came from a congregation
Of porn stars on the Internet
Who’d done a series, Teacher’s Pet.
It seemed what caused their consternation
Was when too old for teenage roles
They couldn’t play the teacher’s holes.
“My god,” he thought, “the trials of labor.
But what am I supposed to do?
Why can’t he play the friendly neighbor
And graduate the comely crew?”
Believing this unfair of Satan,
He thought to sentence him to Dayton:
A woman might start out a sylph
But time transformed her to a milf.
“I can’t control the march of aging.
No woman stays forever young
And as they age they come unstrung.”
Besides he found the milfs engaging,
Especially with their phony tits
And suction pumps to plump their clits.
So walking back the god decided
That it was right he take their side.
He thought the Satan quite misguided,
Especially since Nabokov died.
The Satan thought la dolce vita
Is better spent with some Lolita,
Imagining they’d have no frays.
The fool was wandering in a haze.
Too, he admired their supplication:
They mostly prayed that it would pass
When taking boners up the ass,
Apparently an aggravation.
And so he called his only son
To see what maybe could be done.
And so he called for his son, Jesus,
Explaining what he wanted done.
“My son, it would so greatly please us
If you will go, my hired gun,
And stop the Satan’s undermining
Of women’s labor rights by signing
A contract saying that nymphets
Can play the milfs in Teacher’s Pets.”
“You want to start a labor union,”
Said Jesus.  “Oh no!  God forbid!
That would inflame the workers’ id.
No bring them both into communion.
That way no one’s left in the lurch
And might get some to go to church.”



The principle of Inquisitions
Is knowing that you’re always right;
And never granting good conditions
To those with whom you’ve pledged to fight.
Be sure whenever asking questions
You indicate preferred suggestions
As in do you think god is dead?
Suggest the answer’s better said
Without the slightest hesitations;
Put firm conviction in your “No.”
Don’t hem and haw, or to and fro.
This minimizes amputations
And helps preserve your fingers, toes
But won’t if you’d said “Heaven knows.”


Of all of porno’s situations
There’s nothing like “Repairman Guy”
Who’s come to fix your aggravations
With what you have that’s gone awry.
He’s followed by a telephoto
Cameraman shooting video.
So what does he use to excuse
The fact his dick brings you good news?
Especially if you’re a student
Whose new computer’s on the blink
How does he open up your pink?
He doesn’t want to seem impudent
And so he asks what needs his care
You say your pussy needs re(pair).

Thursday, February 2, 2012


Does war derive from human nature
Or is it just an artifact
Of culture with its nomenclature
Of what it means to be attacked?
And how apply our cogitation
In thinking through civilization,
That is if you’re alive to think,
And not forever on the blink?
Does war emerge from human culture
When modern man decides to go
To war, while singing heidi-ho?
Did it derive from agriculture?
Before then what we had to eat
Was gathered fast and swallowed neat.