Monday, February 28, 2011

MY BIBLE STORY

I’d read the Bible if on twitter.
I like my reading short and sweet.
I learned it from my children’s sitter.
And now we use it when we meet.
The Bible might say this is sinning
But I’m approaching my ninth inning;
And don’t have any time to lose
To study Bible don’ts and do’s.
Besides she says she’ll make me happy,
As did the daughters of old Lot
Exactly as the Bible taught.
And she can’t do it with her pappy
Who used to be some kind of priest
Won’t be paroled, won’t be released.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

SECRET WEAPON: “PENTAGON ORDERS PROBE OF PSY OPS ON MEMBERS OF CONGRESS” February 24, 2011 AP

It’s difficult to stop my farting,
Especially after eating beans.
They go off as if I am bombarding
The enemy when he convenes
Outside the wire below our trenches.
The good thing is the awful stench is
So potent they think they’ve been gassed
And run away so doggone fast
That we can count the night a blessing.
My problem was that every night
They’d draft to go out and fight.
But trust me now, I’m not b.s.ing:
Obama called me to D.C.
For psy-ops on the GOP.


Friday, February 25, 2011

IN PRAISE OF OWNING GUNS (FOR MICHAEL BLOOMBERG AND CHUCK SCHUMER)


Rich liberals are out to bolster
A new attack on owning guns:
If owners wear a shoulder holster
They will be charged: Mohammedans.
But Libyans are out protesting
Without the weapons they’re suggesting
Will bring an end to New York State.
They’ve used their bodies to berate
Gaddafi and they suffered slaughter.
When every man and woman’s armed,
Then fewer of them will be harmed;
The faster old Gaddafi’d totter.
But liberals have got to try
Or else become their own fall guy.


Thursday, February 24, 2011

FOR MAYOR BLOOMBERG: SMOKE THIS!


What is it with this ban on smoking,
When outside in the open air?
The mayor must certainly be joking.
Not even in the public square!
Where is the civil libertarian
Will stand against totalitarian
Attacks upon our civil rights?
That’s right… they’re now all socialites.
What is it with preoccupations
That makes us legislate against
Our habits or our natural bents?
That forces us to confrontations
With claims that eminent domain
Is what they say it is?  Raise Cain!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

DEMENTIA

Religion is a paranoia
Can turn you Warrior Galahad;
And make you stamp and shout with joy. A
Quite certain sign you’re going mad.
You’re not alone when you are fleeing:
Above you there’s SOMEONE all-seeing
Who listens to your every thought
And says, “Through you is how I’ve wrought.” 
America’s the epicenter. 
Its dogma says, “It’s right to kill
To guard our city on the hill
For Jesus Christ, our Christian mentor.
So killing all who disagree,
We will remain “land of the free.”

Friday, February 18, 2011

DEMOCRACY IN AMERICA


Tea Baggers preach the Constitution;
Obama blathers budget woes;
And both sides fancy their solution
Will prop big business status quos.
And so go after union workers,
By blasting us as (worth)less shirkers;
As if we wandered in despair,
While waiting for Obama’s care.
Check out Ohio and Wisconsin:
You didn’t see us act the mouse
As we fought baggers the in House
To force them out, and try ensconcin’
Democracy where it’s policed...
As Arabs did the Middle East.


Tuesday, February 15, 2011

SOLDIERS AND STEM CELLS



I say there’s nothing so despicable
As Christian politicians when
They flush and say it’s inexplicable
That we have lost so many men
To war, and say it with sincerity
In this, the land of brute barbarity,
Where stem cells are a “living” thing
While soldiers are served a la king.
For stem cells never feel scared shitless
That, blown to bits, they’d meet their god
As nothing but a fleshy clod.
The troops, unlike stem cells, aren’t witless.
But properties of pols, stem cells
Mean they can’t feel the Afghan’s shells.


Monday, February 14, 2011

ALLAH: A STATEMENT TO THE PRESS


“This nonsense of some hundred virgins
For bombing people in my name
Has got to stop.  My plastic surgeons
Can’t fix what they cannot reclaim.
There’s not enough to even bury.
Besides the part most necessary
Which must be hard, and round, and thick
(What do you call it?  Your ‘joystick’?)
Is always near the detonation
Which means that it is vaporized
And, therefore, can’t be galvanized
For any sort of penetration.
Who’d want a virgin anyway,
Except someone born yesterday?”














Friday, February 11, 2011

IS GOD VIOLENT: A REPLY TO BRIAN McLAREN

God's violent when He grows livid:
Disasters are called “acts of God."
The Bible’s details are so vivid
Because they’re meant to leave us awed.
Who hasn’t noticed that proctology
Is prominent in His theology?
You give Him just the slightest gas
And He gets so far up your ass
That you can’t help begin blaspheming:
Like showing His son who was Boss
By slaughtering him on a cross.
Who’d ever think that was redeeming?
And at The Hague He would be tried tried
For causing Sodom’s genocide.

ENERGY ASSISSTANCE FOR THE POOR

Obama needs to cut assistance,
Especially to the freezed-out poor
Because he’ll lower their resistance,
Make them less able to endure,
The onslaughts of the corporations
To make them slaves on their plantations.
And while he has a ways to go
Before they’re living on death row,
He’s made a start. He’s not appeasing
The bleeding hearts who cry and moan,
Adopt a high and mighty tone,
About the deaths of people freezing.
When people are a hardened blue,
They’ll rise up as Egyptians do.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

THE POLITICS OF ECONOMIC INEQUALITY: IDIOT AMERICA 2

The politics of inequality
Is aided by the certitude
That in a democratic polity
You trick the voters or you’re screwed:
Broke by illegal immigration;
Surmounted with gay liberation-
This is the stuff of culture wars
Turns us rampaging carnivores.
And so we make no forward motion
Against the corporations which
Have hooked us with their bait-and-switch.
What? Lost your job? It’s over ocean?
Don’t blame some poormouth CEO:
Go kill a gay from Mexico.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

IDIOT AMERICA 1

Here dinosaurs are wearing saddles
Because the Bible tells us so;
And women are a man’s first chattels;
Blacks still should suffer from Jim Crow.
When these “deductions” from the Bible,
Writ when we humans were still tribal,
Are still believed by people here
It shows their minds have stripped a gear.
And, too, because the politicians,
In their relentless search for votes,
Will pander to what floats their boats.
In fact, encourage dispositions
Where cranks are puffed with self-esteem
And imbeciles are now mainstream.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

DISORDER UNDER HEAVEN

When great disorder’s under heaven,
The status quos know they’ve been had
Because they know that they can’t leaven
What’s set the masses hopping mad.
Just listen to Barack Obama
On Egypt’s current “nasty” trauma;
Or Clinton in her latest speech
Where she tries to defend a leech.
This certainly’s to be expected.
FDR said without a twitch,
“Yes. But he’s our son-of-a-bitch.”
And this from one who was elected.
In democratic status quos,
The SOBs are ones we chose.

Monday, February 7, 2011

A BIRTHER’S FANTASY

Mubarak asked Barack Obama,
I know I listened to the call,
How he should end his Egypt’s trauma
Before he ended at the wall.
And Barry said a course correction
Was needed to stop insurrection.
But please protect our secret files
By feeding them to crocodiles.
Then use your mighty capability…
But stopped and said we don’t presume
How you should bring about their doom.
But give your land back its stability.
Then, pausing, said, “for what it’s worth,”
And whispered something of his birth.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

CRANK CALLS: FOR OUR SISTERS AND BROTHERS IN THE MIDDLE EAST

If arrogance brings on destruction,
America is surely doomed -
Providing help with its instruction
For status quos should be entombed:
We preach against an insurrection
And cry it won’t bring resurrection
Of freedom from its prison cells
Or riches from the big cartels.
Surrounded as we are by billions -
Who, tired of leaders who donate
Their services as chief of state
To us but not their own civilians, -
They’ll finally have us by the balls
And cut ’em off for our crank calls.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

THE PURPOSE OF MY SATIRE

My satire’s aimed at evildoers
Located in the church and state.
Both stuff our heads with their manures
So that they can debilitate
Our minds from doing any thinking
Beyond what’s argued by lipsyncing
Whatever dogma they may push,
As they did in the Age of Bush.
He tangled them in combination
Compounding them into a GOD
So he could get away with fraud.
My satire then’s a vaccination
To strengthen what you have of wit
Before it’s altogether shit.