Tuesday, May 31, 2011

THE PREACHER AND THE OIL SPILL

A preacher witnessed oil spilling
And organized to fight it back
By calling crowds of people willing
To drive off anything that’s black,
Especially offshore immigration
Into his God’s most favored nation                              
Of men and women, Christian whites,
Who’d had enough of colored blights.
He marched them to the shore of Ocean,
A million strong, then turned and prayed
His God would help with their blockade.
From out at sea, a swirling motion
In snaky coils of black climbed air
Swept down and laid the beaches bare.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

A MESSAGE FROM THE KOCH BROTHERS TO THE WORKERS OF THE WORLD


“We argue that it’s impermissible
That government should do fuck-all
To help the unemployed.  Dismissible!
They’ll get the message when we call.
When they hear that they’ll work for wages
That no one’s seen since “darker” ages,
They’ll bow and scrape show they’re content
Though they can’t cover food and rent.
Republicans have given pledges
(And this goes for the Democrats-
Republicans who wear hard hats):
This time it won’t be us on ledges.
Not like it was when Franklin D
Denied that markets should be free.”

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

AMERICA’S MAMMY


What will we do without Ms. Oprah?
Her ample lap has been our rest
Where we exposed all of our hope raw
Because she was our Mother EST.
Better put… America’s mammy
Could always cure a double whammy
Because she knew just what to do
To succor the red, white, and blue.
Why didn’t she promote Obama
And claim he brought a ray of hope
Would lift us off our downhill slope?
That he would cure the national trauma.
Would help us dodge what Bush conspired…
Perhaps it is time she retired.                                       

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

THE WANDERING JEW


“I sought to be a true Believer
Who put his faith in Camping’s God;
And so became an eager beaver
And spread his principles abroad.
But Camping got his eschatology
Confused.  The Bible’s numerology
Is so confounding at its best
To try might mean that you’re possessed.
This means the devil haunted Camping
And, falling victim to false pride,
Should have been classed as misallied.
And so I guess I’ll be decamping
To wander on, as is my plight,            
Until these Christians get it right.”   

Monday, May 23, 2011

RAPE AND THE I.M.F.

I’m not sure why so much confusion
Should have resulted from a rape
By banker Kahn.  A mere intrusion.
So why get so bent out of shape?
The press announced him as a banker
So right away he was a wanker.
It’s not because the I.M.F.
Has always been profoundly deaf
To charges that they’ve been assaulting
Whole countries.  So what’s one housemaid?
Now if she’d been investment grade,
He’d have thought twice before defaulting.
The I.M.F. is moving on:
No shortfalls for a Genghis Khan.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

THE CREATION OF THE CENTERFOLD


The Universe, in all its splendor,
Was busy making human beings
When it heard something mention gender.
Now running on amphetamines,
It looked around, displayed confusion
And asked the voice for its collusion.
The voice replied, “Now you’ve made males
So next you need to bob their tails.”
“What tails,” it asked?  “It’s called a penis.”
“But that’s in front.  A tail’s in back.”
“Just cut it off and leave a crack!
Or there’ll be no one to convene us.”
The Universe did as ’twas told
And so it made the centerfold.

Friday, May 20, 2011

A BRIEF PROFESSION OF CHRISTIAN POLITICS

Political decision makers
Should use the Bible to decide
If humanists and God-forsakers
Should be condemned as certified.
They should be held for trial and stoning 
For arguing the Virgin’s boning;
Denying Christ the Risen Son
As Jew would or Mohammedan.
The Bible is the one Authority
That we can count on to command
America, the Holy Land.
We are God's moral majority
So Christians say who’s friend or foe 
Because “the Bible tells us so.”   


Thursday, May 19, 2011

OBAMA’S (SECRET) MIDDLE EAST SPEECH TO ARAB LEADERS


“Now that we’ve finally killed bin Laden
I’d like to step back and assess
How we’ll proceed with our crusadin’.
It’s time you sheiks cleaned up your mess.
It’s time you crushed these beggared hellions
Who have beset you with rebellions.
But as you beat them with a stick
You have to use the carrot trick:
Invite the masses to a rally
Explain to them that there’s no gain
Unless they share their country’s pain.
That there’s no time to shilly-shally.
It’s how we make home folks fall guys
And make them think they gained the prize.”


Wednesday, May 18, 2011

ENOUGH ALREADY ABOUT OSAMA! (FOR HUFFINGTON POST)

“Who gives a shit about bin Laden?
Will killing him increase my pay?
Or make my job that much less laden
With crap?  Now everything’s OK
Because we killed Islam’s Osama?
The banks that made my life a trauma
Will stop foreclosing on my house?
I’ll reunite with kids and spouse?
So kiss my ass, you politicians
I’d like to see some justice done
To me and have a little fun.
How bout you undergo renditions
Till you admit it’s all a scam
To take the heat off Uncle Sam.”


Tuesday, May 17, 2011

NEOLIBERALIZATION

When neoliberalizations
Contend that markets make us free
As individuals and nations,
It undermines our dignity.
It argues in the name of freedom:
The rich exist so we may feed’em.
And when, if ever, they are done
It’s way too late for 911.
Because by then all public service
Is divvied up and privatized
Though very often it’s disguised  
To mask what makes elites so nervous:
That when we have no more to lose
We’ll offer what they can’t refuse.

Monday, May 16, 2011

A CONFESSION BY NOAM CHOMSKY ON THE OCCASION OF THE ASSASSINATON OF OSAMA BIN LADEN *


“I told the left: Vote for Obama.
But what was I supposed to do?                                     
He was the black man in the drama.
McCain?  Mr. Redwhiteandblue.
My friends said, ‘Noam, You must be kidding.
Obama’s just like him. Committing,
Or will be soon, atrocities
On colored peoples overseas.’
I should have known that law and order,
Which I have always highly prized,
Is usually exorcised
When we take flight across our border.
No more.  I’ll never give advice
Since voting’s done with loaded dice.”

* Material for this “confession” may be found at http://kasamaproject.org/

Sunday, May 15, 2011

THE ADVENTURES OF MIRANDA MARVEL

For any who may be interested, I am writing a satirical novel in verse.  To see the first three cantos, please go to  http://mirandamarvel.blogspot.com/

Friday, May 13, 2011

FOR TROY DAVIS AND AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL

“Troy Davis merits execution
Because the color of his skin
Was outlawed by our Constitution
So hellfire’s due him and his kin.
Since God created us Caucasian,
The others surely need dissuasion
From killing whites, especially cops.
They should be tortured with ‘doo-wops.’
The following is not unreasonable:
I’d like to see them rap a beat
On him while he twists by his feet.
Why killing cops is almost treasonable!
So stand up for your human rights
And stop ignoring Christian blights.”

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

WHO SAYS “PRAVDA” IS DEAD? *

“Of course we do assassinations.
Who’d want Osama standing trial?
We covered up the assignations
Of JFK with wondrous guile
And no one was one wit the wiser.
That’s why I’m called a ‘press advisor’:
I help to steer the mainstream press
With information that’s b. s.
What seems to be their self-direction,
In digging down and getting facts,
Is solely due to their contacts.
And once acquired it’s like infection:
The press plays host to our disease
Then spreads it as a dog its fleas.”

* Information for this verse was taken from http://counterpunch.org/

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

THE LARRY SUMMERS' MEMO TO COLLEAGUES AT THE WORLD BANK *

Dear Colleagues,
                            It’s more cost effective
That we should dump our toxic waste
In third world countries.  Our perspective
Is that we act with all due haste.
These countries promise some solution
For health impairments from pollution
Where people work to ripe old age.
In order that we stifle rage,
We need to see our friends elected
In countries where the death rate’s highs
Will average those of tsetse flies.
In Africa, the dark-complected
Have atmosphere and land to spare
Because they hardly breathe the air.

* For a verification of this see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Summers_memo

Monday, May 9, 2011

WMDs: WEAPONS OF MASS DECPTION (FOR COUNTERPUNCH) *

The second time since its inception
We find ourselves the addressees
Of the Weapons of Mass Deception,
AKA WMDs.
This time it’s President Obama
Who lied about watching Osama
As Navy Seals shot him to death
Then took it back with his next breath.
Not calling it “assassination”
Was fully backed up by our press
Who jubilantly effervesce
As a born-again congregation
Because they’ve sipped Obama’s punch.
I get my news from COUNTERPUNCH.

* COUNTERPUNCH can be found at http://counterpunch.org/

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

A BID TO PURCHASE THE UNIVERSE


A meeting of financial services
Discussing God at Wall Street banks:
A banker said, “The saints preserve us, His
Hot ire will have us walking planks.
Before He does this, my proposal
Is that we place at His disposal
A buyout offer. Don’t applaud.
We have more money than the God.”
This motion raised their wild excitement
Because it was a stratagem
Insuring they’d remain the crème.
And, too, this was their real incitement,
How much they’d charge a business to
Escape their Hell when it came due.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

SECRET CIA DOCUMENT DECLASSIFIED *


Our President, Barack Obama,
Has authorized the CIA
To tell us how they killed Osama
(And made a trial a DOA).
The high point of this public narrative
Is what’s left out of their declarative:
That they used torture to help them
Bring on bin Laden’s requiem.
This really needs some underlining
For citizens who wave the flag
While claiming torture makes them gag.
For cheering this is like designing
A future where we torture those
Whom he would classify as foes.

*  According to senior administration officials, suspected terrorists in custody since 9/11 -- including the attack’s mastermind, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed -- identified a courier who had a close relationship with bin Laden.” 

Monday, May 2, 2011

TRUMP’S STATEMENT TO THE PRESS ON THE (SUPPOSED) KILLING OF OSAMA BIN LADEN


“Who says Obama got Osama?
His body’s buried out at sea.
They didn’t make a docudrama.
We have Obama’s word.  To me
It’s perfect.  No certification
And yet he claims before the nation
We had Osama in our sights
And killed him.  Got him dead to rights.
But one thing still remains essential                                    
Something that proves we really got
The man who was terror’s big shot.
I do not mean a death credential
Which always can be made a fake
But showing his head on a stake.”

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