Saturday, December 31, 2011

WHO HAS THE GOLD MAKES THE RULES

America’s “best” politicians,
Deep pockets all with bucks to burn,
Get television’s expositions
And yet the voters never learn.
A TV spot is so confining:
Can hide a pol who’s always whining;
And yet he’s never gloomy Gus,
As PAC men fill our heads with pus.
Gorged bank accounts will win elections.
The Court has made this dream come true
So now there’s nothing we can do 
To stop the rich from their selections.
Democracy takes megabucks,
So pols treat us like we're  “hockey pucks.”

Friday, December 30, 2011

TAX THE CHURCHES BEFORE THEY TAX YOU

I say we tax religion’s churches.
If they refuse to pay their tax,
Then we should knock them off their perches
And give their preachers forty whacks:
Because they foster inequality
Among the members of the polity:
For tax breaks serve the superrich.
This is the megachurch’s pitch:
“We preach the gospel of prosperity.
To do that we need ten percent
Of gross. If you can’t pay your rent,
Rely upon faith, hope, and charity.
And if you’re still stuck in a mess
Why you should give us more and God will bless.”

LIBERAL HOLLYWOOD?

It’s time for re-evaluation
Of how progressive Hollywood
Is when it comes to advocation
Of voting for the just and good.
It’s not to say some aren’t progressive
’Gainst policies that are repressive;
But Hollywood as a town is
Concerned with one thing: that’s the biz.
As businesspersons they’re rapacious:
Fight union contracts; female stars
Are forced to suck on their cigars.
In short, it simply is fallacious
To think they’re from the 99
When all they really fear’s their bottom line.

THE PENALTY FOR VOTING STUPIDLY

Does politics need more philosophy?
The answer I propose is: yes.
I gladly pay a Mafioso fee
To “hit” on those could not care less.
Who cannot make informed decisions
But rather judge by television’s
Ads who’s the better qualified
I’d have them taken “for a ride.”
This is a drastic intervention;
But voters need to understand
That when they vote they take a hand
In how the country’s run. Prevention,
Of who won’t vote the common good,
Is just. A dunce must be withstood!

Saturday, December 24, 2011

ARE EVANGELICALS A NATIONAL SECURITY THREAT?

Evangelical Christianity
Will always put religion first
Because they think that all humanity,
Without their God is surely cursed.
And so they know there’s impropriety
Allowing for devout variety
Because religion and the state
Are one. Of that there’s no debate.
And none, therefore, dare call it treason
Eliminating all non-whites,
For they’re the ones who’ve brought these blights.
And so it simply stands to reason
You cannot worship foreign gods
Without deserving their death squads.

THE LAW AS SUPERSTITION

I don’t see why our superstitions
Can’t be the bases of our law;
With courts and lawyers as magicians
Enchanting us with blah, blah, blah.
In church we let our charming preachers
Conjure away all evil creatures;
And Jews, from out their magic book,
Say what we can and cannot cook.
Not only in the God’s communities
Do we search out what’s wrong or right
To keep us safely through the night.
The state, too, orders opportunities:
The LAW bewitches bankers’ loans
Transmuting them to our home groans.

WHY DO WE HATE THE POOR?

Why do we have such bad reactions
To any mention of the poor?
Is it because we think our actions
Are always anything but sure?
In other words, we just got lucky
And that’s the reason things are ducky.
Why do we think they’re beasts of prey
Who pray for handouts from our pay?
Or is it our most Christian nation
Forgot their homeless Jesus was
Accounted by His “betters” scuzz?
At any rate, our allocation
Of hatred for the poor won’t bide:
There’s more of them than us worldwide.

Friday, December 23, 2011

FAITH ZOMBIES (IDIOT AMERICA 2)

For God we challenge evolution,
Politically a savvy move,
And would amend the Constitution
(And know our Lord God would approve)
To force who think that our Creation
Derived from some four-eyed crustacean,
Or monkeys swinging in the trees
To beg His mercy on their knees.
And once they’ve made a good confession
They’ll join us in the Ranks of Love
Who glorify the God above;
Then help destroy all whose profession
Is science based, for we’re resolved
To finish off the uninvolved.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

THE ETHICS OF VOTING

Incompetent decision-making,
Defined as “what will float my boat,”
You’d hardly think would be earthshaking
Except when it comes time to vote.
For voters have an obligation
To give their vote some cogitation;
And figure in the common good.
But voters’ heads are made of wood!
Not grounded in facts or morality
But mostly ignorant and base
Without a sense of common place,
They cannot use impartiality
To help them make decisions that
Are rooted in the democrat.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

A BRIEF PROFESSION OF CHRISTIAN POLITICS

Political decision makers
Should use the Bible to decide
If humanists and God-forsakers
Should be condemned and crucified.
They should be held for trial and stoning 
For arguing the Virgin’s boning;
Denying Christ the Risen Son
As Jew would or Mohammedan.
The Bible is the one Authority
That we can count on to command
America, the Holy Land.
We are the God’s moral majority:
So Christians say who’s friend or foe 
Because “the Bible tells us so.”    

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

TEA PARTY DEATH?

Tea Party voters are diminishing
Because they’re lunatics who are
Off mission such as really finishing
(And this is truly so bizarre)
The chances that the Dem Obama
Would fail the economic trauma.
He has. But now the point is moot
Because of Perry, Bachmann, Newt.
Who doesn’t know that this election
Is all about the unemployed.
Their candidates are all schizoid
And totally have lost connection
To anything but spending cuts.
And dunces vote to kiss their butts?

REPUBLICAN IMMIGRATION POLICY “?”

The members of the Grand Old Party
Have argued it’s illicit for
An immigrant who is a smarty
And fought our latest foreign war
To go to college on tuition
That citizens pay for admission.
(A truly useless exercise
When all tuition’s on the rise.) 
It’s meant to fluster immigration
Which never ever will be done
For lives in constant 911.
So why encourage aggravation?
When what you want is someone’s vote,
It’s stupid not to float their boat.

ARE CATHOLICS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING? (A BOOK REVIEW)*

The terrors of the Inquisition,
Says Coren, weren’t the Church’s fault;
But says extremes in its ambition
Lay squarely in the bankers’ vault. 
The Scientific Revolutions
Indeed had Catholic contributions;
And as for fighting in Crusades:
To take their homelands back from spades.
But most of all and most “compelling”
He says the Holocaust of Jews
Was fought against. That’s surely news!
What I don’t get is underselling
A problem (that leaves Catholics awed)
Is proving that there’s any God.
* This is my review of Michael Coren’s book Why Catholics Are Right.

Monday, December 19, 2011

THE DISAPPEARING GAMER

1
One day a dauntless cyber warrior
Sat down at his computer screen
To seize and hold Helen of Troy. Her,
Whose likes the world had never seen.
When suddenly from his reality
A cyber door, to her locality,
Was opened and it sucked him in
Her captive now, to his chagrin.
“Who are you fools who keep intruding
To fight the wars fought long ago?
You haven’t had enough gung ho?”
He whimpered, crying “My transmuting
Was not my doing. That I swear.”
But, turning, saw his empty chair.
2
And as he looked the door was closing
But not before he saw his wife
As she walked in, saw him transposing.
She shouted, “Fool, not on your life.
You can’t escape from me that easy.
You never even tried to please me.
Who is that bitch that’s sitting there?”
The queen slid from her royal chair
And standing said, “Oh stop your bitching!
How is it that he doesn’t please?”
“His dick is to the nth degrees.
Go look and see. It’s so bewitching.”
So Helen looked, saw his big ten
And welcomed it inside her den.
3
A cyber door from this reality
Was opened up to get him back
From out the Trojan principality
But failed. The aphrodisiac
Of love slave to the gorgeous Helen
(Though held in chains as if a felon)
Was too much for him to resist.
“Who’d think of giving up a tryst,”
He thought, “With one who’s so adorable . . .”
When suddenly he heard a snore
That sounded like a dragon’s roar;
And thinking that this was deplorable
Sat bolt upright but gave a scream
When he discerned he’d had a dream.


A BORDER FENCE?

Who’d halt illegal immigration
Must build a fence so high and wide
The Berlin Wall in aspiration
Was merely commonplace bromide.
And then, of course, you’d need sharp shooters
To take out women who’d be "brooders"
Of “anchor babies” since you’ve sworn
They won’t be to the manner born.
To make sure that it’s petrifying
You’d sow the border with land mines
To let them know they’ve crossed deadlines.
In other words, you're terrifying
The economic refugees
Who’ll do your work just as you please.

A CLIMATE CHANGE MACHINE?

They tell me that the climate’s changing.
But what am I supposed to do
Before it starts in rearranging
The world? Is it a bugaboo?
If it’s so bad then men of science,
And women, should build an appliance
That limits carbon in our air
Before we’re in intensive care.
I’m not a climate change denier
But if we wait on politics
We’ll all have crossed the river Styx
Before the final nullifier
(Mother Nature) breathes our bad breath
And sentences humans to death.

Friday, December 16, 2011

AN ARGUMENT FOR EQUAL PAY FOR EQUAL WORK

Is it unfair a porn performer
(The stars, that is,) are always girls
Or women? What of those who storm her
Vagina? Are they merely churls
Paid pittance for their humble labors
Despite the fact their fleshy sabers
Are needed for the final act
Of all non-lesbian contact?
Imagine all the situations
That wouldn’t work because a man
Was not there in the screenplay’s plan.
A strap on might help conjugations
(But's only tempest in a cup)
Becuse there’s nothing to clean up!

CANDIDATES FOR WHAT?

Who cares for GOP contenders
For president or Democrats
(Despite their pseudo PC tenders)
Should know both parties serve high hats.
Why even President Obama,
Whom once we worshipped as the Brahma,
Created nothing to depress                      
The greed they’ve labeled as success.
So what, you ask, is my solution?
We are the 99%
Who must go further than dissent
And break the bonds of constitution,
Thus panicking the promise of
Their profits, lending us self-love.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

GOOGLE AND THE BANKS (OR TRUTH IN ADVERTISING)

From out the screen she grabbed my penis
And stuck it up her dripping twat
So there was nothing else between us.
She even strangled down my, “What?!”
By smothering my mouth with kisses;
And finishing she said, “This bliss is
Bestowed on you in cyberspace
To open an account with Chase.
I said, “You mean it’s advertising?”
She said, “Hey, dude, that’s what we do
To hook a customer like you.
If you should think that is surprising ,
With your account you get an app
Gives access to my tender trap."

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

NO SYMPATHY FOR LINDSAY

Are Lindsay Lohan’s troubles over
Means will she ever be a star
And once again roll in the clover
Of movie fame? Is it bizarre
That someone with her acting talents
Could ever be knocked off her balance?
That’s what her acting skills are for.
And yet I wish to underscore
That acting is an occupation
That brings with it just loads of stress
Can land you in an awful mess.
It makes you nervous your creation
Won’t fly again. So you do drugs;
And sell the rights to flash your jugs.

IN PRAISE OF GIRLIE MAGAZINES (OR HOW I LEARNED TO READ)

When I was just a middle schooler
I couldn’t read and write so well;
My parents thought I was a drooler
Until one day in our motel
They sent me out to do room cleaning;
And as I did I found while leaning
Under a bed a Playboy stash
And saw the model’s naked gash.
So after ogling her picture
I tried to read her interview
But didn’t have the slightest clue.
Till I remembered teacher’s stricture:
“That’s what the dictionary’s for.”
So kept them in my bedside drawer.

Friday, December 9, 2011

FOR INSTAGRAM (iPHONE APP OF THE YEAR)

I make up silly applications
For folks who want to use their phone
To satisfy their aspirations
Their lives won’t evanesce, unknown.
You see them with these iPhone features
That makes them out as social creatures:
They tell you when they want a nap,
Or when they have to take a crap.
And then you see it as a posting
On Twitter, Tumblr, or Facebook,
Their very private public nook.
I’d rather this not sound like boasting,
But they, for certain, made me rich
By helping show them scratch an itch.    

Thursday, December 8, 2011

IN PRAISE OF SELF-DECEPTION

I’d rather not fight self-deception.
Since it's extremely useful for
Defending what my sense perception
Tells me won’t happen anymore:
Like fooling with a female hottie
Whom now I download for a body.       
No longer young, I’d not assuage
The fact that I can’t act my age.
I’m like the dreamer, Walter Mitty;                                     
And like him I prefer my dream
To liven me with self-esteem,
Like having sex and being witty.
And so I’ll go with self-deceit,          
If I must beat a fast retreat.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

THE HACKER AND THE SIRENS

1
A hacker, knowing his computers,
Was so absorbed downloading porn,
Especially those with girls whose hooters
Were double Ds and native born,
He didn’t notice when these sirens
Invaded his mind/brain’s environs
Until he felt a silky mouth
Begin to suck him off down south!
He knew that this must be a virus;      
But where the devil was it from
He asked himself in clouds of cum?
The sirens said, “You may acquire us
And live with us in paradise
By joining us in this device.”
2
He knew somehow (by intuition?)
That what the women said was true:
The virus granted him admission
Into a world he’d not eschew. 
Gone would be days when all his wanking
Would be performed by his hand-cranking
His penis. And the very best
Would be to feel each lovely breast.
But knowing virtual reality         
Was like an image in a mirror:     
You moved away, you’d disappear;  
And so his individuality                    
Would live somewhere in cyberspace.
But who could fight a porn star’s grace?
3
But still the hacker hesitated,
Afraid forever he’d be lost;
Though he’d escape what he most hated:
A world where everyone was bossed.
It so offended his mentality,
That bossing helped define reality,
He stopped and thought what he might do
To reconstruct the world anew.
Not giving up for lack of trying,   
He thought the world could go to hell.
(It was a place it would know well.)
And so he joined them, occupying
A special site in cyberspace
Was free for work he could embrace.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

WHY I LOVE THE BIBLE

We praise a God Who’s homicidal
Against those who oppose commands
(That some might think are genocidal)
By doing as our Lord commands:
Like giving over to His slaughter
Who wouldn’t rape a heathen’s daughter;
Or giving up, for His bloodshed,
A man who’d share a marriage bed
With other men. We’d gladly torture
All people who won’t praise our God
By giving them a cattle prod,
That’s heated up till it’s a scorcher,
And plunging it in their behinds.
The Bible simply blows our minds.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

A METAPHOR FOR REPUBLICAN POLICY

I went outside and was astounded
Encircled by a mist so thick
That suddenly I was confounded
When from behind I felt a prick.
I reached behind and grabbed the boner
And told him I could use a loaner;
Then stuck it in my pussy’s grot
Where right away it hit the spot.
The feeling then was so delightful
I thought that I might lose my mind
Until it moved to my behind.
I thought, if he’d been more insightful,
He would have known the GOP’s
Pols fucked me there with STDs.

Friday, December 2, 2011

PROSTITUTES FOR NEWT

In 66, I was a hippie
Did drugs, danced nude, and fought the war;
Then settled down to be a chippy
And started working as a whore.
I got the men to do my bidding
By helping me, although unwitting,
To rid them of their prudish ids
By drugs then do what Katie bids.
And then computers were invented
And with it business went forlorn,
Since these machines promoted porn.
So gave up whoring and repented.
And now I am a person who
Pied pipes for Newt, my, “Honey, do . . .”
I'M NEWT GINGRICH AND I APPROVED THIS AD

Thursday, December 1, 2011

THE OLD MAN AND THE DEMON

1
The old man was a junk collector.
It’s what he did when he retired.
Until he came across a specter
That gave you anything desired.
It rose from out an ancient vessel
And challenged him. If he’d arm wrestle,
And won two out of three, It would
Give unto him fulfilled manhood.
The old man though refused the bargain
But wrestled with It anyway
And won. “You’ll live another day,”
The demon said. “My name is Gargan.
Why won’t you have your wish fulfilled?”
The old man said, “Then I’d be killed.
2
“Unless, of course, you’re more specific
On what it means to be fulfilled.”
“You’ve got me. It would be horrific.
And certainly you'd have been killed.
Now since you saw through my deception,
I’m forced to honor your conception
Of anything you wish for now
And grant it as my sacred vow.”
The old man had an ugly daughter
Who lived with him. (His wife was dead.)
And so he took it in his head
To have her cured. And, having brought her,
He asked the jinn to make her fair
And live a life without a care.
3
The demon did as he requested
But not before It asked him if
He really wanted her divested
Of how she looked? “Why in a jiff,”
The old man said. “Then she can marry
And live a life that’s customary.”
The demon honored his request
And made a girl delight caressed.
But suddenly the old man’s feeling
Was disappearing with his breath
And he was certain of his death.
Disgusted at the dirty dealing,
He asked It, "Why?"  "I made her fair
And took away her only care.”

Blog Archive