I met a girl, a glamourpuss,
Who questioned me on watching porn;
I said I had an omnibus
That we could watch from night to morn.
And so we settled in to watching
A crew of men who were debauching
A creature very like a sylph.
I said that I preferred a milf.
She said, “Then, sir, your wish is granted.”
And when I looked a woman who
Sat next to me in my church pew
Appeared before me. “I’m enchanted,”
She said. “Sent down by Jesus Rex
As my reward. So let’s have sex.”
I said, “My God. Sent down by Jesus!”
“Well . . . yes,” she said. “He won the war
In Heaven’s realm. And so, to please us,
He sent us down so we could score.”
“By watching porn?” I asked. “No, silly.
By learning how to guild a lily.
The porn I thought to watch with you
Will teach me what I need to do.”
“Who are you?” “Call me Angelina.
The Testaments, both New and Old,
Divided all of Heaven’s fold
And turned the place to an arena.
The Father argued with the Son
That sex was wrong. But Jesus won.”
“So you’re an angel?” “Newly landed.
And Earth is such a lovely place . . .
I wouldn’t care if I were stranded.
Of course, I’m not. In any case,
Can we engage in fornication?
I promise there’ll be no creation.”
“Why not?” I asked. “So you want kids?
I’m older than the pyramids;
And couldn’t stand to see them dying.”
“But what about our immortality?”
“When humans die, they’re really dead.
We traded sex to flee that dread.
Now please indulge my sexuality.”
So fucking till her time to go,
They dragged her screaming from death row.