GET OFF THE POT

You’ll think I’m being supercilious
In claiming that I just don’t care
For candidates who leave me bilious
After tasting their bill of fare.
But, honestly, they leave me barking
With all their talk about earmarking-
But always what the other’s done.
They haven’t moved beyond square one.
With almost two years of campaigning,
You’d think they could draw up a plan
That didn’t slop from out a bedpan.
So in the little time remaining,
I say that they should give some thought
To shitting or get off the pot.

THE MEETING

When Marx and Engels, Mao, Lenin
Were floating in the starry void,
Along came Jesus with a pen in
His hand and said, “You four and Freud
Claimed that religion was dementia.
But now that you’re off in absentia
Your followers are on the street
And I’m back in the catbird’s seat.”
Marx, who’d been dozing, woke up grumpy
And said, “That pen belonged to Paul
Who wrote you in as all in all.
Without it you’d be in a dump. He
Needed you for his earthly use
But all gods go the way of Zeus.”

THE MODERN POLITICIAN (2)

Beware the modern politicians,
Republicans or Democrats,
Who promises you free admissions
To watch them cut up bureaucrats.
But really s/he’s an opportunist
Who panders best to the jejunest-
For bureaucrats help regulate
The running of the ship of state.
They’ll put them in a mausoleum
Which gladdens many corporate hearts
And would be business Bonapartes,
Since no one’s there to oversee’em
As they ignore the lawful acts
Keep them from eating us as snacks.

THE MODERN POLITICIAN (1)

The promises of politicians
Are really only just a snare
Laid out by devious tacticians
To grab all those who in despair
So desperately need a hero
To lift them out from less than zero.
From there once in on the ground floor,
We’ll be living life to die for.
So Clinton, John McCain, Obama
Make promises to plight their troth
To booming economic growth;
To lift us out of war’s dark trauma;
To save us from foreclosure calls
By selling off our homes for malls.

THE MAN OF PEACE

If Reason is destroyed, then Jesus
Will reign triumphant over Earth
For reasoning will always tease us
About belief in virgin birth;
Or that he changed a jug of water
Into a jug of wine or, odder,
That after he rose from the dead
He didn’t drop in at Club Med
And rest up from his penetration
Into the deepest depths of hell
Surrounded by the infidel
Who offered him the consolation
Of staying dead so no amount
Of others died on his account.

FINAL ANSWERS?

When man invents religious symbols
And worships them till his last breath,
He hides his life away in thimbles,
And thinks that he’s avoiding death.
But life begins with dissolution
So hope you make a contribution
Before your dying day runs out
And worms crawl in and out your snout.
So, if you would get out from under
The thimble where your soul is hid,
Eliminate the “God forbid”
And live a life creating thunder.
And when you die if you should see
A god… then try and cop a plea.

THE OUTCOME

My god it’s like the Second Coming.
Conservatives have won again!
And mostly just because the summing
Of ballots voted by white men;
Mixed in with citizen Hispanics
Whose immigration status panics
Their families back in Mexico
Who worry that their status quo
Might be in danger. They elected
The candidate who had the sense
To keep them sitting on the fence-
The border wouldn’t be neglected
Would be beefed-up in point of fact;
But still, with wit, it could be cracked.