O YE OF LITTLE FAITH

A preacher thinking that Obama
Was certainly the Antichrist,
Thought he should end this awful trauma
So prayed to God. But, not sufficed,
He argued it was open season
For any with a goodly reason;
Then, rounding up a killing crew,
Went forth to make his prayers come true.
They laid in wait, made their connection-
A bullet right between the eyes.
God bridled… then bid this surprise:
For lo there was a resurrection-
Obama rose, looked round and then
Said, “Praise the Lord. I’m born again.”

RANDOM THOUGHTS: THE GULF OIL SPILL

If coalitions of the willing
Were all it took to get things done,
Then all the oil the Gulf is spilling
Would have the odds of holes in one.
How many times have we protested
That corporations have molested
What used to be our mother earth,
Transmuting her into Ft. Worth?
With no more brains than cauliflower,
A person can see that BP
Must be colluding with D.C.
It doesn’t take a Schopenhauer
To notice we’ve been played the fool:
That our misfortune is their rule.

“THE GOODNESS OF GODLESSNESS” (FOR PHIL ZUCKERMAN)

The godless are less homophobic;
Don’t live a life that’s filled with dread;
Are open so not xenophobic
When someone offers them French bread.
Are playful with their sexuality;
And tolerant of abnormality-
For instance, having anal sex
With those who suffer birth defects.
The godless, too, are better looking;
Are better parents to their kids,
Encouraging their little ids
To empathize with those are hooking.
And finally their morals stress
It’s folderol to say, “God bless.”

RAPTURE INSURANCE

“To those whose beneficiaries
Will not be raptured up to God-
And take it from our actuaries
Not many bodies get the nod-
They’ll not collect the life insurance
That you have left for their procurance
Of living life without dismays
Will happen come the “end of days.”
But listen while I make this offer:
We’ll pay you for your policy
Right now before you meet JC.
This pennies - on- the - dollar proffer
Might seem unfair but when we pay
Your loved ones can’t lock you away.”

LEAR REDUX

“Who is this moke who keeps complaining
About us funky homeless who
Are sick and tired of his maintaining
We are an infestation to
His home to be eradicated
Because we aren’t domesticated,
Don’t live our lives from 9 to 5,
As he does, yet we still survive?
You know what I think? He’s just jealous
Because we’ve looked into the void
And none of us has been destroyed.
It’s true though he can often smell us
But what he smells is his own fear
That, homeless, he will die like Lear.”

A HOUSE ON THE GOLF COURSE

Our urban landscapes are a setting
Where homeless men and women graze
Without the bother of homesteading
Except in streets and alleyways.
They’re free to run all helter-skelter,
To use our yards as private shelter;
And when they need to shit or piss
They turn our homes into Abyss.
You’ll say I have no fellow feeling
But as I lay me down to sleep
While counting endless fucking sheep,
I hear the sounds of their freewheeling
And fantasize of having fun
By shooting my first hole in one.

CHURCH STATE SEPARATION ACCORDING TO LEVITICUS (FOR HARRIET FRAAD AND JAMES M. KAUFFMAN)

I’m all for church state separation
So let God’s people separate
To formalize a Christian nation
Where if you want to masturbate
You’ll suffer death, if caught, by stoning;
Or even if you’re telephoning,
If work related, you will pay
If “doing” on the Sabbath day;
Where you may sell your only daughter
A slave and all that will suffice
Is that you get her sticker price.
But what can lead to certain slaughter
Is wearing clothes of diverse thread…
Your death’s then better left unsaid.

CANNIBILISM AMERICAN STYLE

By gastronomic inclination,
I have a taste for high-end meat;
Would argue we pass legislation
For eating bankers from Wall Street.
Just think of it: we’re drinking, toasting
While on our barbeques were roasting
The bankers whom we’ve hunted down,
Killed, skinned, and spitted- turning brown.
With cheese and crackers, friends and neighbors-
Who’ve lost their jobs and so are broke-
Will savor bankers, drinking Coke.
And when it’s back to our poor labors,
At least we all will be well fed.
What’s left will mulch my flowerbed.

BOOBY TRAPS…21st CENTURY STYLE

A scholar neocon was thinking
How to unleash the dogs of war
As had old Hearst whose pen and inking
Had let slip one or two before.
He thought if he could add a smidgen
Of good Old Testament religion,
And patriotic daring-do
For good old boys- red, white and blue,
Then claim who only had book learning-
And were but brainy sycophants
Of philosophes who live in France-
Had brought it on with their flag burning,
He’d lay some modern booby traps…
As he’d once done with missile gaps.

LIBERALS, WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS…(FOR DANIEL KURTZMAN

"You sanctimonious, race baiting
Perjurious Repug-nicans
Who see the U.S. gravitating
To any who speak Afrikaans
Because you claim Barack Obama
With half a chance would fuck yo mama,
Are ignorant, corrupting prudes
Who ogle girls but sleep with dudes.
Your world’s so filled with lies and lying-
From Cheney, Bush to Palin, Beck
With brains no bigger than fly-speck-
You just can’t help all your denying
And do it with mendacious ease…
Case in point: WMDs."

CONSERVATIVES, WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS… (FOR DANIEL KURTZMAN)

“You spineless, Jesus-trashing sinners,
Amoral, brainless demoncrats
Who’d gladly give Osama dinners
As long as they were free of fats-
I’m sick of all your business bashing
You… liberals so busy cashing
The checks I write to get your vote
To keep this gun beneath my coat.
I want it there to shoot up muggers
And all with such like pedigrees
But now I’d shoot you, damn PCs-
Flag-burning, wimpy-ass tree huggers;
And stand and do it in full view
Of wussies like ACLU.”

OBAMA’S ENDORSEMENT !!!!!

“Endorsed by President Obama!
O please, God, no! There’s some mistake.
Who needs the spiteful melodrama.
Why can’t a liberal catch a break?
I’ll have to trumpet missionaries,
And trash abortion, eco-faeries,
And then I will be forced to laud
The U.S. as an act of God
Or lose Fox News, my corporate donors
Can mobilize tea party hicks
To end a life in politics
By passing off simplistic boners
As if it’s wisdom. What the hell…
I’ll go rehearse my rebel yell.”

DIRTY GIRLS : CHURCH COUNSELS WOMEN ADDICTED TO PORNOGRAPHY (NYT MAY 3, 2010)

“You women in the congregation,
I say it’s time we grew a pair
And put the devil, masturbation,
Back deep inside his hairy lair.
I say we end our porno frolics;
Admit that we are sexoholics
And take Lord Jesus in our hearts
And, secretly, our other parts:
Pray fill us with your second coming
As you did Magdalene your first
Who turned apostle, was well-versed
In helping you with your mind-numbing
Attempt at resurrection so…
Although it’s true… she was a pro…”

THE PREACHER AND THE OIL SPILL

A preacher saw the oil spilling
And organized to fight it back
By calling crowds of people willing
To drive off anything that’s black,
Especially offshore immigration
Into his God’s most favored nation
Of men and women, Christian whites,
Who’d had enough of colored blights.
He marched them to the shore of Ocean,
A million strong, then turned and prayed
His God would help with their blockade.
From out at sea, a swirling motion
In snaky coils of black climbed air
Swept down and laid the beaches bare.