It happened as George Bush was flying
Home from Iraq on Air Force One.
He’d been locked in his bathroom trying
To take a dump; and when he’d done
He stepped from out his bathroom closet
(He’d left behind a huge deposit)
To see the cabins emptied out.
No one responded to his shout.
But heaps of clothes, as he well-noted,
Lay scattered on the seats and floor,
Like sale day at a K-Mart store.
“My God,” he thought, “they’ve been promoted
And raptured up.” Then Tim LaHaye
Came stumbling in and looking gray.
“For God sakes, George, what were you thinking,”
Said Tim LaHaye, recovering some.
“They’re gone. All gone. In just a blinking,”
Said Pastor Tim, now looking glum.
“The pilots, too, are gone. You’ve slain us!
Because the stench from out your anus
Got loose through some small ruptured vent,
They needed air so out they went.”
“Their clothes,” asked Bush? “ It penetrated
Through everything, down to the skin.
It smelled in very truth… like sin.”
“And all because I defecated,”
He asked? The man just couldn’t see
That was how he made policy.
“Oh Lord,” LaHaye said, “what a scandle
That you and I were left behind.
How will our Christian brethren handle
The seeming fact that God declined
To give us, as good Christians, credit…?”
“Oh shut up, Tim. Let’s just forget it,”
Said Bush who rushed to take control
Of Air Force One, if not his soul.
“I have a plan for rectifying
The fact that God’s not proved our pard.
Remember I flew for the Guard.
“But Brother George,” LaHaye said crying,
“You can’t mean you believe your press?
You’ll land us in an awful mess.”
He did but it went undetected-
Their bodies never would be found.
The faithful claimed they’d been elected,
And lived in Heaven’s hallowed ground.
They’d both stripped naked, then, ejecting,
They’d left no bodies for inspecting.
For when Bush pulled the lever that
Ejected them, they turned to splat-
The seats fell out but with no power
To shoot them out the flight deck floor
The engines sucked them in and gore
Shot out the back, a bloody shower
With not a trace of DNA
To prove ‘twas Bush or Tim LaHaye.
- ► 2011 (199)
- DINNER IN THE WHITE HOUSE
- REFLECTIONS ON THE CONSTITUTION (I)
- STORIES FROM DANTE
- WHAT, ME WORRY?
- WHAT TO DO WITH DAVOS MAN
- FALL GUYS
- THE NEW AMERICAN CREDO
- NO TRUCE
- WHOSE TREASON?
- FOR MIKE LLOYD
- THE MORALITY OF PROSTITUTION
- THE CULTURE WARS I
- ACCOUNTABILITY ?
- FOR BRAD
- NOW THAT WOULD BE NEWS
- PRIVATIZING EDUCATION
- ON THE EVE OF THE OHIO AND TEXAS PRIMARIES
- ▼ March (19)