FOR KARL MARX

He argued that religious suffering
Is all expressive of protest
Against a world that needs a buffering,
Especially if you are oppressed.
Religion cries the heartless features
Inflicted on those “helpless” creatures
Who live hard on a worker’s dole
To keep alive body and soul.
To abrogate soulless conditions,
Religions’ flowers, adorning chains,
Must be discarded to make gains.
And then, perhaps, we’ll try renditions
On all who try to keep us down
So no one bows before a crown.

SIN TAX

Though shalt not criticize religions
Especially if you don’t belong
To those god-fearing tribes of pigeons
Whose avocations are so strong
They’ll bomb you with their awful droppings
Of Biblic and Koranic toppings
Designed to get you through the Gates
So long as you promote their hates.
To minimize their congregation
You must convert their devotees
With education, shopping sprees…
But never with a condemnation.
The only way to mute their threats
Is taxing them like cigarettes.

MANDATORY NICENESS (FOR EZRA LEVANT)

So now it’s been made mandatory
That everything I say and do
Must not infringe upon the glory
Of others. I must say, “bless you”
To practices I think are cheesy;
Or worse than that are downright sleazy-
Since others have a human right
That says that I must be polite.
I say genital mutilation
Is barbarism to degrees
Of magnitude not chimpanzees
Would practice. But civilization
Is always free to set its rules?
This is a human rights for ghouls.

THE RELIGIOUS ZEALOT

A zealot in his understanding
Can only see what’s straight ahead;
Presents himself as so upstanding,
He’ll never know it when he’s dead;
Cannot be raised above his level
Because he’s held down by a devil
Who keeps him grounded in his sins
Because in truth the two are twins.
Is always troubled with small scruples;
And scratching at these like an itch
He works himself to fever pitch
Until the one or two quadruples
And so inflames his tiny brain
He thinks God told him to raise Cain.

IMPOSTERS

Imposters are great undertakers;
But since their business is professed
In speechifying not as makers
Of policy, they’ve done their best
When after having made their speeches-
Which take you to the upper reaches-
You end by feeling somewhat strange
In wondering what’s meant by “change.”
That’s only as should be expected-
For any who’s a candidate
To take in tow the ship of state,
They first of all must be elected.
By that time though their politics
Is sailing you across the Styx.

CHRISTIAN COMPETITION

If being Christian is no longer
Sufficiently defined by deeds
But argues that we would be stronger
If we weren’t strangled by the weeds
Of others whose denominations
Can only offer us vexations,
Then, Christians, I say unto you
We pull them out, Muslim and Jew.
There’s nothing like a little martyring
To set these heathen thinking of
Our Jesus Christ, the God of Love;
And stop them from their venal bartering
Concerning what’s a sin or no.
They all are worthy of death row.

THE KISS ASS

A Kiss Ass feeds on others’ humors,
As is the way with parasites;
Not silent but with sonic boomers,
S/he praises you for your insights;
And pumps you up with laudatory,
A drug enhancing your vainglory-
Not sex exactly but a treat
To have another stroke your meat.
Whatever are your inclinations
S/he surely thinks they’re for the best
However much they are abscessed;
But’s deft at making alterations-
If s/he derives no benefit,
S/he’ll quickly dump you in the shit.

SOUND AND FURY...

A politician is a prater
Whose windy talk but signifies
S/he’s no more than a ventilator
Who goes about in human guise;
Who thinks s/he’s speaking when s/he’s saying
What donkeys do when they are braying;
Who trumpets as a Holy Grail
The garbage at a rummage sale;
Who flatters publics as their duty
Until, at last, they find they’re hung
By lengths of lies they call a tongue;
Whose final words come out their bootie,
As feces are foregone by farts.
These are the politicians’ arts.

RAPTURE READY

Believe me, Hon, I’m rapture ready,
For I’ve acknowledged Jesus Lord.
I know the days to come are heady.
We’ll all be playing shuffleboard,
While down on earth the Tribulation
Will fall upon our sinful nation
With all the force at His command
Until they reach the Promised Land.
But when at last it’s all subsided
Will we escape His attitudes
About our moral turpitudes,
The ones that get me most excited?
‘Cause what the hell’s the benefit
If angel wings don’t diddle clit ?

EXCERPTS FROM POPE BENEDICT'S SPEECH TO HIS BISHOPS

1
“… You cannot think it is appealing
For me, the Holy Father, to
See people waving flags, not kneeling.
They’ve got a secular IQ!
When will you turn this devilocracy
Into a bastion of theocracy-
Where Gospel preachers tortured ids
Are free to prey on little kids,
Without our paying all that money?
What is the latest body count
That’s put a stopper in the fount
That once produced our milk and honey?
If you would give your priests fresh starts,
They’ll sell these kids for body parts.
2
“Tomorrow I must pray with victims
Who claim that Holy Mother Church,
Despite that foolish Jesus’ dictums,
Has left them rotting in the lurch.
You do recall the Reformation
That almost caused our ruination?
And why? Because old Luther told
The poor we’d sell off sin for gold.
We need another Inquisition
Will rid us of these victims so
That we can fight our deadly foe
And wipe him out. Sent to perdition,
We can proclaim the Gospel news
Without the interfering Jews.
3
“While true we share the Holy Bible
We would by now have sole control
And done away with all that’s tribal,
That so enchants the Jewish soul,
If Hitler had been more successful.
At least our job would be less stressful.
Of course, we wish them all the best
In putting Islam to the test.
But so far they’re a total failure-
Provoking bombers far and wide
Now even on the distaff side
Which they must think beyond the pale. Your
Job should be to keep the status quo
With both sides playing tic tac toe.
4
“Until we have a Church solution
That rids us of what we deplore;
Where Catholics aren’t in dissolution;
And where the West’s at total war
As happened with the brave Crusaders
Who proved successful as invaders.
Who slaughtered Muslims and the Jews;
Taught folks to mind their p’s and q’s.
Remember that the Baby Jesus
Said that I come to bring a sword
To be acknowledged as your Lord.
My brethren, that would greatly please us.
Reunify the Church and state
So that it’s ours to say “checkmate.”

PRESCRIPTION (FOR DALLAS, WHO JUST DOESN'T GET IT)

When workers can’t afford prescriptions
Their doctors write them for their ills,
They may be liable to conniptions
That turn them green around the the gills;
And , finally, augers their impressment
Should be brought up for reassessment-
Why work to make the bosses rich?
Why not just drop them in a ditch?
Start over as appropriators
Of value that we helped create,
But holds us now like a dead weight;
Become our own emancipators.
Then we may make a final break
With health plans say “let them eat cake.”

THE INTELLECTUAL HERITAGE OF RELIGION

Without a God, we have no master
Who helps us know what’s right and wrong.
To reach the God we need a pastor
But you must choose the very strong-
est priest, or preacher, imam, rabbi,
Who has God’s given gift of gab. I
Believe my life was on the blink
Before s/he taught me how to think:
S/he argues no belief in science-
I’m not descended from "a" ape.
Sometimes a woman asks for rape;
Believes a man needs self-reliance,
If he’s to rise to "thou shalt kill"
In helping pastor do His will.

MIDDLE EAT PEACE TALKS

A spider trapped in its own webbing
Was taunted by an irksome fly
Who triumphed at the spider’s ebbing
And thought to ask, “Before you die,
Aren’t you ashamed of your entrapping
My brothers in your deadly wrapping?
What is it that we did to you
You’d suck our blood for an adieu?
The spider said, “If you’ll come nearer,
I’ll answer but I’m short of breath
Because I am so close to Death.”
The fly flew in so he could hear her.
But got too close; was caught; buffeted,
The spider laughing as she preyed.

WITNESS WEAR

There is no part of all our culture
That isn’t taken over by
A preacher offering a cult cure
For values that s/he hopes will die.
Then born again when they're perfected,
As Jesus was when resurrected.
Take, for example, underpants
With “Jesus” over butt and lance.
As well, His name is stuck on panties
To keep pudenda out of reach
By putting “Jesus” in the breach.
The name acts as do vigilantes-
Protecting Miley Cyrus fans
From jumping in the back of vans.

FOR JOHN HEYWOOD (1497-1580)

If all religions were an opium,
I’d surely praise the friendly gods
Who in their wisdom sought to dope me numb.
Instead it's turned us into squads
Of righteous ravers. “Kill blasphemers,”
Shout out the preachers waving femurs
Who Sampson-like pile up the bones,
As bankers do their failed home loans.
Their struggle for superiority-
As rabbi, imam, preacher, priest
To mark the others as the Beast
And claim alone the God’s authority-
Just goes to show, as Heywood said,
“In church you’ll find that God is dead.”

FOR ALEXANDER HERZEN

Since all religions base morality
On doing what God tells them to,
They all develop slave mentality
To honor God, as is His due.
But passing on this foul instruction
Leads mankind headlong to destruction.
It’s true for Christians, Muslims, Jews,
More proper are the “don’ts” than “do’s.”
Unless, of course, “do’s” lead to killing-
Who honor God in different ways
Are sacrificed on holy days.
With priests, imams, and rabbis willing
Their brethren on, they’ve made a hell
Out of each other’s clientele.

FOR T-BONE

It’s come to this? We are “progressive”
Because we’d vote a Democrat
Who’s Black and doesn’t “seem” aggressive,
While smiling like the Cheshire Cat?
God save me. Where’s my digitalis?
Remember what it did in “Alice
In Wonderland.” It could beguile
With talk and nothing but a smile.
But we’re adults. Some are professors
Who should help students lift the cross
Of voting for another boss
Who’ll fasten on us like oppressors
Have always done. Have we gone mad?
The cat knew Alice surely had.

CONSPIRACY THEORY

“Just how far can the Constitution
Be stretched and bent to fit my will,”
Asked Bush, “ before its prostitution
Has rendered it completely nil?
There isn’t that much time remaining
Before some other will be reigning
Here, sitting in my office chair.”
Said Cheney, “George, now don’t despair.
They think Immaculate Conceptions
Are necessary for a God;
So why should Christians think of fraud
At our immaculate deceptions?”
What if they do? And we should lose?”
We do what Christians do. Blame Jews.”

ASK NOT...

Let’s see exactly how progressive
It is of me to cast my vote
For anyone who’s so obsessive
S/he’ll say or not what floats my boat.
Who’s honest, open, so appealing
I know their speeches aren’t just spieling;
Who’s not afraid to mop the floors
With generals and all their wars?
Who’ll do this best- Barack Obama,
Or Hillary, or John McCain?
Which one won’t be a ball and chain
That holds the world in frightful trauma?
Who is it I can count upon
To stop the U.S. Genghis Khan?

FOR THE BOARD OF ED IN WAYCROSS, GA. (AND FOR BETTY)

When nine third-graders were suspended
For plotting how to take control
Of "teacher" whom they thought intended
To turn their brains to casserole,
You must remember their fragility-
They had a learning disability
Which didn’t stop the little tykes
From planning worthy of the Reich’s.
And all because the teacher scolded
A friend of theirs, a little fiend
Who gathered cats he guillotined.
But naturally the District folded,
Insisting it was child’s play;
But sent the teacher on her way.

ORACLE (I)

I cannot say quite why I’m crying.
Perhaps so I’m not forced to look
At faces in the windows dying.
I’d rather read a comic book.
How did they wreak so much destruction?
It started out as dance instruction.
I only know what I’ve been taught.
But, listen. Here’s a caveat-
Be stone-deaf to new Aristotles
Who are a bunch of dunderheads
Writing the NYT’s Op-Eds;
Go clubbing with Brazilian models,
As if they were comrades-in-arms
While falsely tripping smoke alarms.

HOMELAND SECURITY, A TRIBUTE

1
One evening when Airport Security
Was on the job but understaffed-
Since bonders wouldn’t give a surety
Bond, fearing that they’d get the shaft
Because what Homeland paid a wander
Meant here today tomorrow yonder;
And, God forbid, at LAX
They bothered with the record checks.
While wanding down a woman’s body,
The wand gave off an awful shriek.
The wander said he’d need to peek.
The woman said, “I know karate
And if you dare to touch me I’ll
Forever alter your lifestyle.”
2
But hustled off by an inspector,
He locked her in a tiny room;
Told her to strip and then he checked her
When all she wore was her perfume.
Not seeing anything proscribable,
He wondered at the indescribable;
And looking up her pussy found
A dildo that he could impound.
He pulled it out. It was vibrating.
She laughed and said that when she’d sit
It would so stimulate her clit
Her fantasy would go x-rating;
And make a long and boring trip
Feel like she rode a rocket ship.
3
He told her that she could start dressing
When from her butt another crept.
This promised to be more distressing
Because it’s given where it’s kept
It’s bound to be a little messy.
“Don’t tell me, miss, just let me guess," he
Said. “ It’s meant to stimulate your…”
“The entrance to my doggie door.
I am a porno starlet training
For my first anal so you see
This dildo's like an anal key.”
“Enough,” he said, “with your explaining.
Just leave now. But I’ll keep these…plugs.”
And she walked out her load of drugs.

A FOREGONE CONCLUSION

There is no legal “cause of action”
For CEOs whose pay’s obscene
So long as there’s no malefaction
By boards. If they report the green,
There’s nothing left that small investors
Can do to managing molestors
Except perhaps to caterwaul
Go home and take two Tylenol.
Let me propose my own solution-
When management is paid outré
The CEO goes MIA;
Or, if we stay his execution,
It is because in his noblesse
He argues that his work’s worth less.

FEAR OF (F)LYING

With women who seem marriage partners,
A man’s less likely to have sex
Before the fourth date. But as hearteners,
She’s shown that she has great prospects.
At least that’s claimed by long-term studies.
While other girls are just fuck buddies,
As marriage partners women wait
At least a month before they mate.
It’s just like flying. Boarding passes
Aren’t handed out until you’ve passed
Inspections going nowhere fast.
But just as with those horses asses,
It finally leads, all in due course,
To having reasons for divorce.

REFLECTIONS ON THE CONSTITUTION (II)

The Founders wrote the Constitution
As a Gordian knot is tied;
Which means there’s only one solution
That we should follow as a guide
To loosening what they invented
To keep in place the malcontented-
Rewrite it so it implements
A program of some common sense.
There’s no need to be reverential
Towards politicians from the past
Who bound their slaves and held them fast
With reasoning purely prudential.
To cut that knot took civil war
And still we’re rowing with one oar.

PROMISES, PROMISES

A study shows that men are liars
As frequently as women are;
But women are the pacifiers
While men compete like boxers spar.
Men mostly falsify the predicate,
While women are concerned with etiquette.
It’s just whatever floats their boat.
Which brings me to why I should vote.
If both can be prevaricators,
To pick a man will do me harm;
While women who pour on the charm
Will promise that they’re mediators.
It doesn’t matter how they’re billed,
For either way they’ll get me killed.

(Mc)Cain

McCain was grubbing contributions
From the Republican elite.
He promised them the persecutions
Of Dems whom he’d turn to lunchmeat.
He’d stand forthright for law and order
And change his mind about the border;
As for campaign finance reform,
He now admitted ‘twas bad form.
He’d stick with Bush on global warming;
And as for the Iraqi war,
“I’m just the man to mind the store.”
It’s true that torture is deforming-
Sometimes it drives a man insane-
As God did Abel’s brother Cain.

THE EARS OF GOD

Reporters caught the W praying
And asked him if he really thought
That Jesus heard what he was saying;
Or if perhaps his prayers were caught
By satellites circling the planet
And filtered out since they could scan it?
George answered firmly with a “No.”
But “no” to what? God got info
Which meant a “yes” God heard his pleading.
“Despite what satellites might scan
They cannot read the mind of man.
Our satellites just aren’t mind reading.
They can’t hear what a man might pray...
I’ve checked it with the NSA.”