One evening when Airport Security
Was on the job but understaffed-
Since bonders wouldn’t give a surety
Bond, fearing that they’d get the shaft
Because what Homeland paid a wander
Meant here today tomorrow yonder;
And, God forbid, at LAX
They bothered with the record checks.
While wanding down a woman’s body,
The wand gave off an awful shriek.
The wander said he’d need to peek.
The woman said, “I know karate
And if you dare to touch me I’ll
Forever alter your lifestyle.”
But hustled off by an inspector,
He locked her in a tiny room;
Told her to strip and then he checked her
When all she wore was her perfume.
Not seeing anything proscribable,
He wondered at the indescribable;
And looking up her pussy found
A dildo that he could impound.
He pulled it out. It was vibrating.
She laughed and said that when she’d sit
It would so stimulate her clit
Her fantasy would go x-rating;
And make a long and boring trip
Feel like she rode a rocket ship.
He told her that she could start dressing
When from her butt another crept.
This promised to be more distressing
Because it’s given where it’s kept
It’s bound to be a little messy.
“Don’t tell me, miss, just let me guess," he
Said. “ It’s meant to stimulate your…”
“The entrance to my doggie door.
I am a porno starlet training
For my first anal so you see
This dildo's like an anal key.”
“Enough,” he said, “with your explaining.
Just leave now. But I’ll keep these…plugs.”
And she walked out her load of drugs.
- ► 2011 (199)
- FOR KARL MARX
- SIN TAX
- MANDATORY NICENESS (FOR EZRA LEVANT)
- THE RELIGIOUS ZEALOT
- CHRISTIAN COMPETITION
- THE KISS ASS
- SOUND AND FURY...
- RAPTURE READY
- EXCERPTS FROM POPE BENEDICT'S SPEECH TO HIS BISHOP...
- PRESCRIPTION (FOR DALLAS, WHO JUST DOESN'T GET IT)...
- THE INTELLECTUAL HERITAGE OF RELIGION
- MIDDLE EAT PEACE TALKS
- WITNESS WEAR
- FOR JOHN HEYWOOD (1497-1580)
- FOR ALEXANDER HERZEN
- FOR T-BONE
- CONSPIRACY THEORY
- ASK NOT...
- FOR THE BOARD OF ED IN WAYCROSS, GA. (AND FOR BETT...
- ORACLE (I)
- HOMELAND SECURITY, A TRIBUTE
- A FOREGONE CONCLUSION
- FEAR OF (F)LYING
- REFLECTIONS ON THE CONSTITUTION (II)
- PROMISES, PROMISES
- THE EARS OF GOD
- ▼ April (28)