EXCERPTS FROM POPE BENEDICT'S SPEECH TO HIS BISHOPS

1
“… You cannot think it is appealing
For me, the Holy Father, to
See people waving flags, not kneeling.
They’ve got a secular IQ!
When will you turn this devilocracy
Into a bastion of theocracy-
Where Gospel preachers tortured ids
Are free to prey on little kids,
Without our paying all that money?
What is the latest body count
That’s put a stopper in the fount
That once produced our milk and honey?
If you would give your priests fresh starts,
They’ll sell these kids for body parts.
2
“Tomorrow I must pray with victims
Who claim that Holy Mother Church,
Despite that foolish Jesus’ dictums,
Has left them rotting in the lurch.
You do recall the Reformation
That almost caused our ruination?
And why? Because old Luther told
The poor we’d sell off sin for gold.
We need another Inquisition
Will rid us of these victims so
That we can fight our deadly foe
And wipe him out. Sent to perdition,
We can proclaim the Gospel news
Without the interfering Jews.
3
“While true we share the Holy Bible
We would by now have sole control
And done away with all that’s tribal,
That so enchants the Jewish soul,
If Hitler had been more successful.
At least our job would be less stressful.
Of course, we wish them all the best
In putting Islam to the test.
But so far they’re a total failure-
Provoking bombers far and wide
Now even on the distaff side
Which they must think beyond the pale. Your
Job should be to keep the status quo
With both sides playing tic tac toe.
4
“Until we have a Church solution
That rids us of what we deplore;
Where Catholics aren’t in dissolution;
And where the West’s at total war
As happened with the brave Crusaders
Who proved successful as invaders.
Who slaughtered Muslims and the Jews;
Taught folks to mind their p’s and q’s.
Remember that the Baby Jesus
Said that I come to bring a sword
To be acknowledged as your Lord.
My brethren, that would greatly please us.
Reunify the Church and state
So that it’s ours to say “checkmate.”