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“I pray to you, O Holy Father,
Who represents Our Lord on earth
But Whom I’d rather not now bother
(Although He was of virgin birth)
To bless me with your intercession
And so I would make my confession
To you, O Pontiff. Hear me, please.
Il Papa, I’m on bended knees
And beg you for your consecration.
Allow me, please, to kiss your ring;
And, if you want… your other thing.
Cure Mother Church of aggravation
So we can go on saving souls…
But, Pontiff, O… their buttonholes…”

EXCERPT FROM THE PRESIDENTIAL INAGURAL ADDRESS, 2012

“I’ve sworn upon this Holy Bible
That I will never separate
(Or else may I be hanged a libel)
The Holy Christian Church and state;
And will amend the Constitution
So it provides for execution
Of any whose formal address
Does not include the phrase ‘God Bless;’
And pledge to use my lawful power
On any pro gay marriage laws,
Or women who have burned their bras,
Or any who’d despise Jack Bauer.
Let liberals suffer Christian wrath
In final vengeance for new math…”

GIRL FIGHT

Liz Cheney is new competition
For Sister Sarah Palin who
Has sent all others to perdition
Because they made a big to-do
About the fact that her undoing
Was her performance interviewing.
It’s Sarah Palin, theocon,
Against Liz Cheney, neocon.
But Lizzy is Dick Cheney’s daughter,
A woman who each night she dreams
Hears lawyers racked with tortured screams.
I tremble at the coming slaughter-
A girl fight over politics
When both of them are "chicks" of Dick’s.

THE CONSCIENCE OF A BANKER (WHO ASKED NOT TO BE IDENTIFIED)

“I was a Goldman megabanker
Who moved from Goldman Sachs to Chase
But this engendered so much rancor
I feel that I must state my case:
It really shocked the whole profession
That Goldman started this recession
Then asked the feds to go our bail
By claiming, ‘We’re too big to fail.’
Well… true enough but that’s no reason
To land us in the blogs’ tabloids
As preternatural hemorrhoids.
My conscience thinks of this treason;
And so I moved, with no regrets,
Where I now trade in national debts.”

SUPER LOTTO DEMOCRACY

“A moneyed democratic polity-
Where each alone is free to strive
To lift himself out of equality
Of being a member of the hive-
Can’t be allowed the immorality
Of taxing me into frugality.
Instead of cars, vacations, boats,
My income goes to buying votes
Of Congressmen on tax committees.
Who gives a shit how many poor
Can’t live the life of epicure?
That’s why we’ve got Atlantic Cities
And lotteries: to scratch the itch
That lets them think they’ll strike it rich.”

ERUPTION

From Iceland’s rock, a call of nature
Erupted dumping clouds of ash
On Europe so their legislature
Has proffered pots and pots of cash
To who drops megatons of Drano
Into the mouth of this volcano
And helps dissolve this archetype
Of Mother Nature’s sewer pipe.
Alas, this puny interaction
Has failed to get them free and clear.
But poisoning the atmosphere
Has brought new life and satisfaction
To BIG POLLUTION’S dialogue
About the greatest source of smog.

JIM CROW (for EARL MAL)

“I’m just a redneck motherfucker;
But don’t mean I ain’t got no brains,
So don’t think I’m some fucked Klu Kluker
Believes the blacks ride gravy trains
Into the land a Hallelujah.
Us good ole boys can sometimes fool ya.
I worked with coloreds in the mines.
We’re all dogs there. A man’s bloodlines
Don’t count for shit when you’re a worker.
You either pull your load or don’t.
Ain’t never heard a black say, “Won’t.”
Knew one ole boy, a stone berserker,
So kind a hard to get to know,
Taught me to hate this guy Jim Crow.”

THE PROBLEM WITH THE DEATH PENALTY FOR CHRISTIANS

I’d like to sit in FINAL JUDGMENT
As DEATH appeals before the COURT
To be allowed to pump the sludge meant
To send wrongdoers to consort
Eternally with HELL’S own DEVIL
So all the folks back home can revel
At wretched souls, most Black and poor,
Who’ll suffer everlasting cure.
But why not argue public stoning-
That’s what the BIBLE says to do;
Or CRUCIFIXTION. Whoops. A Jew,
Named JESUS, did all man’s atoning
GOD said’s required for purging crime.
The problem is it takes some time!

UNCLE NOBLE

" Got me a uncle, name a Noble,
A good ole boy an’ Palin vote,
Who nearly like to went Chernobyl
When someone said, to get his goat,
'Noble, she’s just a politician.
You watch. They’ll make her deposition
To all the money she done took
And then she’s just another crook.'
Now Noble he’s about to scuffle
When he sees that it’s just his friends
Was goosin’ him to go lose ends.
He smiles an’ says,'Pigs diggin’ truffle?'
'You betcha, boy. She’s in the muck
Like all them all...to make the buck.' ”

BORDER CROSSINGS “reasonable suspicion” LA TIMES Wednesday, April 14, 2010 4:06 a.m. PDT

In Arizona, immigration
That is illegal has become
The subject of a celebration
By those who think, “The ‘wets’ are scum.”
These same folks think that crossing borders
Is legal when we’re lobbing mortars
As long as it is carried on
By order of the Pentagon.
They whoop and holler, “We invaded
A country like Afghanistan
To help kick out the Taliban.”
Who live there legally. We’re hated
Because the U.S. border tends
Wherever it pays dividends.

THE SANCTITY OF CONTRACTS

JPMorgan Chase Says Contracts Too Sacred To Give Homeowners Another Chance

“I used to be a mortgage banker
Who bundled loans to be resold
Until the market lost its anchor
And set us back a billionfold.
At first it happened quite mundanely;
And then it clobbered us insanely:
A tidal wave of subprime loans
Deep-sixed us down to Davy Jones.
We used to think we walked on water;
But now we’re sunk beneath bad debt
And know we need a safety net
To help escape the coming slaughter
Of banks which like the killer whale
Were thought to be too big to fail.”

A HISTORY OF SARAH PALIN’S CAREER (6)

The night they found out they were losers
McNasty came to Palin’s room
And kicking her around as boozers
Will often do to lift their gloom,
He raged, “God damn! How do you figger?
We lost election to a nigger!
What is the U.S. coming to?
A land that was red, WHITE, and blue!”
Now Palin, almost beaten senseless,
Stood up on shaky legs and said,
“You’re old school, John, a dunderhead
Who’s left the Party near defenseless.
So go on stage, concede defeat.
You’ll beg me for your senate seat."

A HISTORY OF SARAH PALIN’S CAREER (5)

In secret, Palin met with Putin-
A meeting that was de rigueur
Because the Russian like Rasputin
Thought everyone had laid a lure.
“We’re nervous when you say ‘You betcha.’
Is code word somehow for ‘We’ll getcha?’
What happens to the applecart
McNasty die from broken heart?”
Now Palin thought all this confusing.
Did “broken heart” mean what she thought?
He thought she’d gotten second spot
Because John's tired of self-abusing…
When finally their talks recessed,
She’d laid his puzzled head to rest.

A HISTORY OF SARAH PALIN’S CAREER (4)

When Palin first met with McNasty
It was at lunch where she said grace.
Aware he’d had angioplasty
And what it might mean to the race
And to herself, an up-and-comer,
(Not to be dubbed Team Dumb and Dumber),
She begged that till Election Day
He wouldn’t turn up DOA.
But after they had won election,
Then she would try with all her art
To see he had a change of heart.
She’d see that he received protection:
She’d order tactical support
Until she ordered his abort.

A HISTORY OF SARAH PALIN”S CAREER (3) (KEEPING UP MORALE)

When Sarah Palin was campaigning,
She had a late night meeting to
Stop strategists who were complaining
McNasty was a dipsy-doo.
She’d taken off her coat, suit jacket
And said, “ You boys’ll have to hack it.”
Then taking off her blouse and skirt,
She said, “You work too hard.” Alert,
They watched her stretch. Then she, reclining,
Said, “Come on, guys, let’s all relax.
Now who gets firsts? Help me climax.”
And then she started in outlining
Exactly what she wanted done
And promised more on Air Force One.

A HISTORY OF SARAH PALIN’S CAREER (2)

Back home she studied on her Bible
To be McNasty’s running mate.
I’ll take advice from Ester’s tribe. Bull
Will help me to eschew debate.
There is no sense in me competing
With those inside the beltway. Tweeting
Is what I’ll do to blow my horn
To let them know a star is born.
And if the old man is defeated,
I’ll still be there to keep the base
From giving up the polling place.
Then when he’s done I will be treated
As royally as Ester was;
And we can dump the liberal scuzz.

A HISTORY OF SARAH PALIN'S CAREER (1)

Ms. Sarah Palin lost her panties
While she was hunting for a moose
In woods at least as dark as Dante’s.
Search as she might it was no use.
She came across a fellow hunter
Who had been sent out to confront her.
He held her panties in his hand
And aked, "You'll do as we command?"
Then Sarah knew with instant clarity,
This was the start of her career.
She shucked her pants off, bared her rear,
Bent over saying with sincerity,
“Do with me as you’d have me do
Republic(rats) and God bless you.”

TOW THE ER FO ABE L B

When media manipulation
By partisans who are old pros
Insist upon the stipulation
Which loudly states: “Anything goes,”
Then we’ve put up a Tower of Babel
Where Abel’s Cain and Cain is Abel
Depending on your point of view
And what you want to ballyhoo.
Then our incomprehensibility
At who we are, what we believe
Is so much laughter up their sleeve:
For no one with the sensibility
God gave a rock would lend an ear
As malice sermoizes fear.