EXCERPT FROM THE PRESIDENTIAL INAGURAL ADDRESS, 2012

“I’ve sworn upon this Holy Bible
That I will never separate
(Or else may I be hanged a libel)
The Holy Christian Church and state;
And will amend the Constitution
So it provides for execution
Of any whose formal address
Does not include the phrase ‘God Bless;’
And pledge to use my lawful power
On any pro gay marriage laws,
Or women who have burned their bras,
Or any who’d despise Jack Bauer.
Let liberals suffer Christian wrath
In final vengeance for new math…”